JD Vance likes to tell those “useful lies,”
The ones guaranteed to draw the media’s eyes.
His whoppers about cat-eating Haitians
He peddled to a disbelieving nation,
Kind of like “Hillbilly Elegy,” the memoir he fictionalized.
Trump seems susceptible to wingnut Laura Loomer,
Who has too much influence, say the doom-and-gloomers.
Did she tickle his hate
Before his disastrous debate?
And should she be cut from the campaign like a cancerous tumor?
Ryan Routh won’t get the thanks of half of a grateful nation,
After not wasting even one round of ammunition.
Would-be killers like Thomas Crooks and Routh
Just aren’t in the league of Oswald and Booth,
They just seem determined to be the “ass” in “assassination.”
To do it again would be tempting fate,
And his performance still wouldn’t be great.
Trump insists he won,
But now says just one and done.
So there ain’t gonna be another Trump-Harris debate.
Now that Ron DeSantis is a “rage-hampered homunculus,”
You have to wonder, What’s his political calculus?
Will he wage his “war on woke”
On us poor Florida folk,
And spend the rest of his term just fuckin’ with us?
Seems North Carolina gov wannabe Mark Robinson
Has pastimes we wouldn’t expect from a Christian son.
On top of Trump iconography,
He’s got a yen for pornography,
And going to video stores where staff say Robinson likes rubbin’ some.
The Trump campaign got hacked in a weird plot twist,
So, the media said, “No news here,” and whiffed.
But the Iranian hackers
Knew who they were attackin’ —
And Roger Stone is just another senior sucker who got phished.
It’s summer in the Midwest with the highest temperatures yet.
Heat warnings of 115 degrees are making farmers fret.
It’s tough enough farming
In the face of global warming,
But now they also have to worry about something called “corn sweat.”
Sometimes, being Lindsey Graham really stinks,
On top of the elbow pokes and knowing winks.
He’s got the spine of an eggplant
And the heart of a syncophant,
But now even Donald Trump doesn’t care what Lindsey thinks.
From Trump’s “stolen election” lies, we can’t get no relief,
He carps on about stolen votes, but he never names the thief.
Somebody needs to tell this guy
Americans aren’t buying his lies,
And that he’s turned us into the United States of Disbelief.
