Migrants to DeSantis: Thanks Uncle Ron!

“Some of the 49 migrants flown to Martha’s Vineyard by the state of Florida are now able to legally work in the United States and have temporary protections from deportation — because they are considered victims of a potential crime. … The migrants are eligible for these protections because they applied for a special kind of visa meant for crime victims who are helping law enforcement, after they said they were tricked into taking charter flights from San Antonio to Massachusetts with false promises of jobs and other aid.”

Miami Herald

Paste Magazine Omits Byline of Swift Album Pan Due to Threat of Fan Violence

“We care more about the safety of our staff than a name attached to an article.”

In its panning of Taylor Swift’s new album (3.6/10 rating), Paste Magazine chose to put “Paste Staff” as the piece’s author instead of the individual who wrote it. That’s because following Paste’s negative review of Swift’s Lover album in 2019, the reviewer received threats of violence from fans who disagreed. As for its critique of The Tortured Poets Department, Paste Staff said its “mid-ness” was the result of “when the artist making it no longer feels challenged, where she strikes out looking.”

Gonzalez: ‘I Serve with Some Real Scumbags’

“The House is a rough and rowdy place, but Mike Johnson is gonna be just fine. I served 20 years in the military, it’s my absolute honor to be in Congress. But I serve with some real scumbags. Matt Gaetz, he paid minors to have sex with him at drug parties. Bob Good endorsed my opponent, a known neo-Nazi. These people used to walk around with white hoods at night. Now they’re walking around with white hoods in the daytime.”

— Rep. Tony Gonzalez (R-TX), on CNN.

Defiant Johnson Refuses to Resign

“I am not resigning. And it is, in my view, an absurd notion that someone would bring a vacate motion when we are simply here trying to do our jobs. It is not helpful to the cause, it is not helpful to the country, it does not help the House Republicans advance our agenda, which is in the best interest of the American people here — a secure border, sound governance – and it’s not helpful to the unity that we have in the body.”

— Speaker of the House Mike Johnson (R-LA) on the “resign or be fired” ultimatum from the GOP’s Freedom Caucus just 174 days into his tenure as sp[eaker, reported by Punchbowl News.

Sununu Just Another Authoritarian Enabler

“Functionally, Chris Sununu is as active a part of Trump’s campaign as Matt Gaetz or MTG, or any of the other MAGA freaks. And it seems not to bother him that these people would poleaxe him if given a second’s chance. It seems not to bother him that his political career is over. He’s not just willing to exit public life on his knees—he’s eager to do it. … In the end, it doesn’t matter if Sununu is a mountebank, a coward, or a fool. Those three characters are equally pernicious. … What matters is that the rest of us understand that it is the Chris Sununus of the world who make this ongoing authoritarian attempt possible.”

Jonathan Last

The Sununu We Thought We Knew

“He’s f**king crazy! The press often will ask me if I think Donald Trump is crazy. And I’ll say it this way: I don’t think he’s so crazy that you could put him in a mental institution. But I think if he were in one, he ain’t getting out!”

— New Hampshire Gov. Chris Sununu (R), quoted by the Associated Press two years ago. Sununu is now backing Trump for president.

N.C. Lt. Gov. Advocates Beating Children

“We have perverted the word love. We don’t understand the word love. We don’t understand what love really is. We think love is sunshine and rainbows, and put your arms around somebody saying ‘I love you, brother’ — certainly that’s a form of love. … But how many of y’all know when you hold your young’un by one arm and beat them in a circle, because they were bad — how many of you know that’s love too?”

— North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson (R) described his loving approach to disciplining misbehaving children, WUNC reports.

Trump Spews ‘Rambling, Unhinged’ Word Salad about the Battle of Gettysburg

“Gettysburg, what an unbelievable battle that was. It was so much, and so interesting, and so vicious and horrible, and so beautiful in so many different ways — it represented such a big portion of the success of this country. Gettysburg, wow — I go to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, to look and to watch. And the statement of Robert E. Lee, who’s no longer in favor — did you ever notice it? He’s no longer in favor. ‘Never fight uphill, me boys, never fight uphill.’ They were fighting uphill. Wow, that was a big mistake. He lost his great general. ‘Never fight uphill, me boys,’ but it was too late.”

Donald Trump speaking to his cult members in Schnecksville, Penn., on Saturday April 13, 2024. Historian TJ Stiles said Lee was not known “to have issued downslope-only orders” and that [Trump’s] depiction of what happened was “rambling, unhinged.”