When Trump talks annexing Canada, he’s being literal.
But he’s not really thinking, he’s feeling visceral.
Look Donald, we’ve got to warn ya —
Do you really want a second California
By adding another 40 million people who vote liberal?
We’ve just reached the end of Trump’s first hundred days.
His chaos has infected the world in horrifying ways.
Gutting government, alarming allies, starting trade wars,
Is just the launch of Project 2025 — it will get worse.
So we’ve started counting down to Donald Trump’s LAST hundred days.
It’s the Pope’s funeral, so Trump’s gotta go.
It wouldn’t be like him to miss such a show.
But when he arrives he might squall,
Because of arcane Vatican protocol
Trump might find himself seated in the back row.
Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem is tawdry and blowzy,
She treats her cabinet post less like a job and more like a hobby.
She likes to play dress-up
In all manner of getups,
Which has earned her the apt and fitting nickname, “ICE Barbie.”
Trump’s transactional presidency is taking a toll.
It’s corrupting the United States’ national soul.
Easter is no longer a celebration
Of Jesus Christ’s resurrection,
It’s about corporations sponsoring the White House Easter Egg Roll.
When you’re the king — uh — president, you’ve got it made.
On your birthday you want your might and power displayed.
Hey, you’re turning 79,
So you think it’s just fine
To grift — uh — gift yourself a $100 million military parade.
It cratered bonds and treasuries, and that’s not all.
But while 70 countries have asked to negotiate,
All the “Art of the Deal” guy can do is wait,
Because China’s Supreme Leader Xi Jinping has yet to call.
Something’s not right about this tariff postponement, methinks.
And it seems that Trump’s up to market manipulation hijinks.
Tuesday’s “rumor” was the “tell,”
That come Wednesday — short sell.
There’s something about this fart of a deal that just stinks.
In markets Trump’s terrible tariffs are striking terror.
Truth be told, they coulda been, shoulda been fairer.
Before embarking on this path,
Somebody should have checked the math,
Because the tariff calculations were based on a massive error.
The firings at the National Security Agency, it is rumored,
Were courtesy of a conspiracy theorist, who was humored.
The NSA heads’ Trump loyalty was defective,
So they became victims of a brand new adjective,
They were named on her list, so the NSA chiefs got “Loomered.”
From Trump’s “stolen election” lies, we can’t get no relief,
He carps on about stolen votes, but he never names the thief.
Somebody needs to tell this guy
Americans aren’t buying his lies,
And that he’s turned us into the United States of Disbelief.
