Something’s not right about this tariff postponement, methinks.
And it seems that Trump’s up to market manipulation hijinks.
Tuesday’s “rumor” was the “tell,”
That come Wednesday — short sell.
There’s something about this fart of a deal that just stinks.
In markets Trump’s terrible tariffs are striking terror.
Truth be told, they coulda been, shoulda been fairer.
Before embarking on this path,
Somebody should have checked the math,
Because the tariff calculations were based on a massive error.
The firings at the National Security Agency, it is rumored,
Were courtesy of a conspiracy theorist, who was humored.
The NSA heads’ Trump loyalty was defective,
So they became victims of a brand new adjective,
They were named on her list, so the NSA chiefs got “Loomered.”
As if he’s some small-town Mayberry sheriff,
Like speeding tickets, Trump is doling out tariffs.
We know where this all ends —
With the U.S. having no friends
And a lot of new enemies with no incentive to spare us.
We knew Trump’s Cabinet of Deplorables was abysmal,
But the dumbness of their hubris is truly dismal.
The plan was to bomb Yemen’s Houthis,
So they grabbed an armload of emojis
And got together for a text fest on Signal.
Why does Elon Musk get to decide fed workers’ fates?
We didn’t elect him to be the United States’ Potentate!
Let men of good will firmly resolve
That Musk is the problem he aims to solve,
Because the fact is, DOGE is indeed the Deep State.
Comrade President Trump’s recent post sounded almost human,
And his tone of concern seemed almost soothin’.
He wants us to stop being fretters;
We should be da-ers, not nyet-ers.
Trump says, “Buy more crypto and stop worrying about Putin.”
It was a planned Oval Office ambush on “Must-See TV”,
With Mafia Don Trump and JD Vance, his eye-lined buttinsky.
One’s the underdog for whom we’re rootin’
They’re just two thugs working for Putin,
Giving a televised beat-down to Ukraine’s President Zelenskyy.
Has there been a more precipitous fall than WaPo’s?
When will the capitulation ever end? Who knows?
When it’s Donald Trump you aim to please,
Focus on “free markets and personal liberties”
When writing editorials with the slogan, “Democracy Dies Under Bezos.”
Vice President JD Vance is off on an essential mission:
Vance-splaining Trump’s lies, like a truth beautician.
He ‘splained Catholicism to the Pope,
As if Leo was a dunderheaded dope,
Now he’s ‘splaining to the GOP how to win the midterm elections.
