When you’re the king — uh — president, you’ve got it made.
On your birthday you want your might and power displayed.
Hey, you’re turning 79,
So you think it’s just fine
To grift — uh — gift yourself a $100 million military parade.
It cratered bonds and treasuries, and that’s not all.
But while 70 countries have asked to negotiate,
All the “Art of the Deal” guy can do is wait,
Because China’s Supreme Leader Xi Jinping has yet to call.
Something’s not right about this tariff postponement, methinks.
And it seems that Trump’s up to market manipulation hijinks.
Tuesday’s “rumor” was the “tell,”
That come Wednesday — short sell.
There’s something about this fart of a deal that just stinks.
In markets Trump’s terrible tariffs are striking terror.
Truth be told, they coulda been, shoulda been fairer.
Before embarking on this path,
Somebody should have checked the math,
Because the tariff calculations were based on a massive error.
The firings at the National Security Agency, it is rumored,
Were courtesy of a conspiracy theorist, who was humored.
The NSA heads’ Trump loyalty was defective,
So they became victims of a brand new adjective,
They were named on her list, so the NSA chiefs got “Loomered.”
Since 1944 the U.S. has been the Great Allotter,
Giving Mexico a gallon and getting in return a quarter.
But now, despite an ongoing drought,
Mexico’s going to have to go without —
For the first time in 81 years we’re denying their request for water.
As if he’s some small-town Mayberry sheriff,
Like speeding tickets, Trump is doling out tariffs.
We know where this all ends —
With the U.S. having no friends
And a lot of new enemies with no incentive to spare us.
We knew Trump’s Cabinet of Deplorables was abysmal,
But the dumbness of their hubris is truly dismal.
The plan was to bomb Yemen’s Houthis,
So they grabbed an armload of emojis
And got together for a text fest on Signal.
Why does Elon Musk get to decide fed workers’ fates?
We didn’t elect him to be the United States’ Potentate!
Let men of good will firmly resolve
That Musk is the problem he aims to solve,
Because the fact is, DOGE is indeed the Deep State.
The Republican Party won’t skip an opportunity to be mean,
And on rallying behind Trump they’re unanimously keen.
But hey, we’re in a countdown
To a government shutdown,
So why are they wasting time censuring Al Green?
When you’re the king — uh — president, you’ve got it made.
On your birthday you want your might and power displayed.
Hey, you’re turning 79,
So you think it’s just fine
To grift — uh — gift yourself a $100 million military parade.
