Don Jr. and Bettina are finding out marriage ain’t a walk in the park,
Not even when your daddy is a self-proclaimed genius and wannabe monarch.
It began with a small private wedding ceremony,
But the after-parties were where it really got tony,
With fireworks and a private Bahamian island, paid for by a Russian oligarch.
Pundits say that Trump’s $5,000 midterm bribe was an overreach,
And they agree that if lies were a crime, he’d be impeached.
Despite all the dividend promises he’s made,
The fact is, not one has ever been paid,
So even before the midterms, he already owes us $8,000* each.
*$5000 stimulus checks via “DOGE dividend”; $2000 stimulus checks via a “tariff dividend”; $1000-plus checks via “savings” from expiring Affordable Care Act subsidies
On the opening night of the midterm convention called “Trumpalooza,”
Donald Trump made a proposal worthy of a Japanese gangster yakuza.
If the Republicans fend off a rising blue tide,
Trump will give every American a $5,000 bribe,
Which demonstrates the desperation of America’s Chief Bamboozler.
Given Hunter Biden’s media blitz, you’d think he had something to say,
But it’s just bro talk with Tucker and Nick and hints about being gay.
So now he’s come out with the $LAPTOP meme coin,
Which reminds us of those nude shots of his groin,
So, now he’s gone crypto, and like a bad penny, Hunter just won’t go away.
Trump’s renaming of Lake Ontario has created a litmus test —
Yield, and rename it Lake America, at Donald Trump’s behest,
Like Google and Apple, which already capitulated,
Changing the name just like Dear Leader stipulated,
But there’s one defiant holdout — the original mapping site, Mapquest.
