On the opening night of the midterm convention called “Trumpalooza,”
Donald Trump made a proposal worthy of a Japanese gangster yakuza.
If the Republicans fend off a rising blue tide,
Trump will give every American a $5,000 bribe,
Which demonstrates the desperation of America’s Chief Bamboozler.
Given Hunter Biden’s media blitz, you’d think he had something to say,
But it’s just bro talk with Tucker and Nick and hints about being gay.
So now he’s come out with the $LAPTOP meme coin,
Which reminds us of those nude shots of his groin,
So, now he’s gone crypto, and like a bad penny, Hunter just won’t go away.
Trump’s wars and economic crises are all self-made,
Line them up, and you’ve got a regular failure parade.
Now Trump’s moved on to video games,
Typically Old School and predictably lame,
He put in a patio and ballroom, why not an ’80s-style arcade?
The World Humanoid Robot Games gave us a ringside seat,
To robots failing spectacularly at basic human feats.
OK, they’re faster than Usain,
But their limitations are plain,
And they seem to be best suited as hilarious meme tweets.
Trump’s renaming of Lake Ontario has created a litmus test —
Yield, and rename it Lake America, at Donald Trump’s behest,
Like Google and Apple, which already capitulated,
Changing the name just like Dear Leader stipulated,
But there’s one defiant holdout — the original mapping site, Mapquest.
Donald Trump Jr. fancies himself a bit of a bon vivant,
And since he took over 1789 Capital, the firm’s gone buoyant.
Its assets swelled from $200 million,
In just a few months to over $3 billion,
An arc that lawmakers say ain’t just savvy, it’s clairvoyant.
In Trump’s “Art of the Deal” you always go hard for the score,
When negotiations are almost finished, you ask for something more.
But according to Prime Minister Mark Carney,
All Trump wanted was his country’s sovereignty,
And that’s how Trump’s tariffs started a new Canadian trade war.
*Common in rural Alberta, Canada. It means to be strong or face a challenge bravely.
Donald Trump’s latest tariff move beggars belief,
He says he’s providing some needed price relief.
But the move will most certainly harm
The folks who own ranches and farms.
Trump thinks he’ll win the midterms with cheap imported beef.
For Trump, he can’t replace Karoline Leavitt with just anyone,
No, he’s thinking, the new press sec should be a mother’s son.
So he’s looking for a masculine manly man
With big balls, swinging dick and golfer’s tan.
He’s gotta be smooth, cool and fairly brimming with testosterone.
Donald Trump Jr. fancies himself a bit of a bon vivant,
And since he took over 1789 Capital, the firm’s gone buoyant.
Its assets swelled from $200 million,
In just a few months to over $3 billion,
An arc that lawmakers say ain’t just savvy, it’s clairvoyant.
