For Trump, he can’t replace Karoline Leavitt with just anyone,
No, he’s thinking, the new press sec should be a mother’s son.
So he’s looking for a masculine manly man
With big balls, swinging dick and golfer’s tan.
He’s gotta be smooth, cool and fairly brimming with testosterone.
Karoline Leavitt is leaving the Trump White House life,
She was such a good liar, but she’s done with the tension and strife.
She was a terror at the podium,
Spewing falsehoods, spite and odium,
But she’s going to raise her babies as a Turning Point USA tradwife.
Karoline Leavitt just had her second kid with her “older guy,”
But she’s just off on maternity leave — it’s not a permanent goodbye.
Among the upcoming baby milestones,
They’re anticipating at the Leavitt home,
The one closest to the press sec’s heart surely is Baby’s First Lie.
You can always count on the White House Press Office for drama,
Because the comms team’s media relations style is based on trauma.
Ask a legit question, get an insult,
Ask a follow-up and get some tumult,
Or, if you’re S.V. Date, get Caroline Leavitt doing dozens on “Yo Mamma.”
It takes a special person to shovel Trump’s bullshit,
They have to stand there and lie like they believe it.
While youth isn’t a crime,
Experience does take time,
And it simply ain’t prudent to leave it to Karoline Leavitt.
Pundits say that Trump’s $5,000 midterm bribe was an overreach,
And they agree that if lies were a crime, he’d be impeached.
Despite all the dividend promises he’s made,
The fact is, not one has ever been paid,
So even before the midterms, he already owes us $8,000* each.
*$5000 stimulus checks via “DOGE dividend”; $2000 stimulus checks via a “tariff dividend”; $1000-plus checks via “savings” from expiring Affordable Care Act subsidies
