Speaker Mike Johnson is an odious, Bible-thumping little twit,
Between Trump’s ire and contentious colleagues, he’s in a snit.
With nothing happening in the House,
One might expect the speaker to grouse,
And for once we agree — like Mike said: “I’m sick of this shit.”
Mike Johnson and John Thune maintain they are blameless,
Even though the House and Senate seem equally aimless.
The president’s a pill,
So they can’t pass a bill,
And that’s how we ended up with our do-nothing zombie Congress.
“They’re clearly not talking to their members. They have no clue on strategy or how to move anything across the finish line, and it’s just frustrating as hell.”
— Rep. Jim McGovern (D-MA), quoted by Punchbowl News, on the House Republican leadership.
“Why should we keep the majority? We’ve gotten one bill passed, and that was President Trump pushing and pushing and pushing, and it took us 18 hours to get Republicans to vote for it — 18 hours straight on the Senate floor. And it’s embarrassing that we’re up here raising money to continue with the same people being up here. It’s just nonsense.”
— Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL), on Benny Johnson’s podcast.
New York Times: “House members cast 362 votes in 2025, the second-lowest count in the last quarter century. The only other year in that time frame when the House cast fewer votes was 2020, when the COVID-19 pandemic hit the United States.”
After wandering away from D.C. for 54 days in the wilderness,
The House returned with some kind of collective mental illness.
They seem uninterested in legislating,
Focused instead on threats and censurings,
Leaving the nation to marvel in wonder at their childish pettiness.
A new Gallup poll finds just 15% of Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. And in what may be an ominous sign for Republicans, the share of GOP voters who view Congress favorably dropped 21 points to just 33% in the poll conducted just after the shutdown began — a stark shift from a high of 63% earlier this year, after Republicans gained control of both chambers.
The Republican Party won’t skip an opportunity to be mean,
And on rallying behind Trump they’re unanimously keen.
But hey, we’re in a countdown
To a government shutdown,
So why are they wasting time censuring Al Green?
Pensito IllustrationPresident Elon Musk sent out a not-human-resources-approved email to hundreds of thousands of federal employees last week:
“Consistent with President @realDonaldTrump’s instructions, all federal employees will shortly receive an email requesting to understand what they got done last week,” Musk wrote on X, which he owns. The post ends: “Failure to respond will be taken as a resignation.”
Federal employee Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) provided the following bullet points to DOGE:
Dear Leader Musk, in the past week, acting in my capacity as a federal employee:
I trashed federal workers at a congressional hearing, stating that none of them “deserve” paychecks. I quote myself: “The bureaucracy is not a business. Those are not real jobs producing federal revenue. By the way, they’re consuming taxpayer dollars. Those jobs are paid for by the American tax people who work real jobs, earn real income, pay federal taxes, and then pay these federal employees. Federal employees do not deserve their jobs. Federal employees do not deserve their paychecks.”
I came under fire by my congressional colleagues after it emerged I purchased between $4,000 and $60,000 worth of Tesla stock on January 8 after I was selected to chair the House Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) subcommittee.
I defended President Trump after my Democratic colleague Rep. Melanie Stansbury referred to Donald Trump as a “king” Wednesday. Stansbury said, “Let me say this to you, Mr. Trump. Two hundred fifty years ago, the people of this great nation rejected a reckless, abusive king, and we won’t go back.” So I said, after recognizing myself for closing remarks, “Threats against the president of the United States will not be tolerated by anyone.”
I helpfully showed the Congressional calendar to constituents on X: “This is our House calendar for 2025. Yellow is our in session weeks. Thought it would be good to share for anyone planning trips to visit your Representative.” Of course, people took it the wrong way: “So you rake in $174K a year, get top-tier healthcare, and play the stock market with insider tips, all for working eight days a month? Not bad. Maybe if you lived on minimum wage for a year, you’d finally get why folks are drowning while you all cash in.”
I did not update the calendar on my congressional website, which shows the last entry as a Town Hall in Dade County, Georgia, October 3, 2024, at 6 p.m.
Punchbowl News: “The 118th Congress is the least productive in decades. And everyone left town mad as they do the bare minimum legislatively with the November election looming …. Things are so bad that members are just quitting Congress without even telling party leaders. House Republicans will be down to a one-vote margin soon. One. Vote.”
Don Jr. and Bettina are finding out marriage ain’t a walk in the park,
Not even when your daddy is a self-proclaimed genius and wannabe monarch.
It began with a small private wedding ceremony,
But the after-parties were where it really got tony,
With fireworks and a private Bahamian island, paid for by a Russian oligarch.
“With the war it’s just artificial, it’s a little bit high, it’s a small price to pay for keeping the world safe, keeping our country safe. They could take out a city. Let ’em take out Los Angeles. Let ’em take out San Diego. This is a very small price to pay and it’s going to be over very soon. It’s essentially almost over with.”
“The cesspit of corruption that is Donald Trump’s presidency is finally getting the attention it deserves. It’s about time. And if a massive blue wave sweeps Washington on November 3rd as polls now suggest, Democrats should put corruption front and center of their agenda in Congress. … The level of corruption that Trump has engaged in and enabled in others is completely unprecedented – self-dealing that, as Trump would say, is like nothing anybody has ever seen before.”
“We’re not talking about socialists, these are communists, Marxists and anarchists. You got to be kidding. They want us to call them democratic socialists, there’s nothing democratic about these people.”
KFF Poll: “With the 2026 midterm campaigns in full swing and early voting about to begin, there is a wide enthusiasm gap between partisan voters, with Democratic voters 25 percentage points more likely than Republican voters to say they are ‘more motivated’ than usual to vote (63% vs. 38%).”
Wall Street Journal: “The U.S. added 29,000 jobs in September, far short of expectations, in a sign that the labor market remains steady but may not be able to deliver consistent and sizable employment gains like it did in the past.”
G. Elliot Morris: “Voters aren’t confused about the motive, either. 62% say Trump made the promise mainly to win votes in November, and only 13% think he genuinely intends to send the money. … Moreover, 71% of adults say it is inappropriate for a president to promise government payments that depend on his party winning an election, including 53% of Republicans.”
“Donald Trump made over a thousand stock sales and purchases worth between $79m and $270m in July,” The Guardian reports. “His two largest sales were of Amazon and Microsoft stock, selling between $5m and $25m each on 20 July. That same day, he also sold up to $5m worth of Oracle and Costco stock, $500,000 to $1m in Nvidia, and bought up to $5m worth of shares in Intuit and Salesforce, among dozens of other transactions.”
“The unprecedented spate of mid-decade redistricting for the U.S. House has changed the congressional districts for one-tenth of Americans and significantly altered the makeup of at least one-fifth of districts, according to a new study,” the Associated Press reports.