A new round of Trumpian tariffs are making the news,
And Republicans are singing those “lost Midterm Blues.”
Gas prices are high and affordability’s low,
And there’s something both parties want to know:
Is Trump deliberately trying to make the GOP lose?
With Burmese pythons the Florida Everglades are overrun,
We’re killing some, but what do you do with a dead one?
Well, a guy in Fort Myers takes the dead snakes
And using every part of them, products he makes,
So he’ll trade you a free “specialty” pizza for a dead python.
The Freedom Gas Network mystery has been solved,
Almost overnight in PA and NJ the stations evolved.
So, we wonder, how do they keep
Gas prices so relatively cheap?
Some think that 200,000 gallons of stolen fuel is involved.
From Trump’s “stolen election” lies, we can’t get no relief,
He carps on about stolen votes, but he never names the thief.
Somebody needs to tell this guy
Americans aren’t buying his lies,
And that he’s turned us into the United States of Disbelief.
Though Pete Hegseth seems overly focused on makeup and hair,
He also wants his troops to be battle-ready and fully prepared.
To be at their “absolute best,”
They’ll take a testosterone test,
And if found deficient, will receive gender-affirming health care.
Donald Trump has done a heckuva job leading our grateful nation.
For his many projects and interior designs, he deserves an ovation.
So what to give a guy who has everything —
Another plaque, or a medal or a signet ring?
How about a 10-foot-tall gold trophy for “Iran War Participation.”
He was known in the Senate for his special brand of feydom,
And when it came to Trumpian ass-kissing, he was a perfect specimen.
We’ll remember him as someone less than grand —
Standing alone at Disney World, bubble wand in hand.
But now it’s time to say goodbye and good riddance, Lindsey Graham.
From Donald Trump the world’s modern populists are taking a cue,
When scandal erupts they dish out a helping of “deep state” stew.
If a cabal of elites attacks democracy,
The modern populists cry out “WWTD!”
For when globalists attack, modern populists ask, “What Would Trump Do?”
In the diplomatic ranks, trained professionals toil,
To keep the peace and tamp down foreign turmoil.
But for Greek ambassador,
Trump picked an artful dodger —
The grifting, drunken blackmailer Kimberly Guilfoyle.
