Need something nefarious done? Ron DeSantis will take a gander,
Especially if it’s for Donald Trump, to whom he loves to pander.
As for Florida law, here’s the thing,
DeSantis puts the “dick” in “redistricting,”
By flaunting the constitution to do what they’re calling a “dummymander.”
With hundreds of ships and 20,000 sailors the Persian Gulf is jammed,
And with the U.S. Navy on the prowl, blockade runners could get rammed.
Now shipowners are getting anonymous emails,
Saying a little crypto will allow them to sail,
But alas, those poor, desperate shipowners are just getting scammed.
As a person, Donald Trump is not very nice,
He treats his job as an ongoing grift and daily heist.
Given all Trump’s chaos and crimes,
It may seem like apocalyptic End Times,
But Bible scholars agree that Trump is maybe probably not the antichrist.
We read about the resignations of Gonzales and Swalwell,
And we’ve kept up with the cease-fires and damaged oil wells.
But about the Strait of Hormuz,
We were just fed up with the news,
So we went out on a binge with our old drinking buddy, Kash Patel.
The Messiah of Mar-a-Lago is just a sin-tarnished demented dope,
Whose attempts to co-opt religion led him down a slippery slope.
So he picks stupid fights with the Vatican,
Because he thinks he’s a Medieval king who can
Appoint his own alternative, MAGA-aligned Mar-a-Lago pope.
Trump depicting himself as Jesus is a sign of our broken zeitgeist,
At the same time, his picking a fight with Pope Leo just isn’t nice.
But we can see how the president got confused,
See, Donald Trump has grown quite used
To people exclaiming — following his words or deeds — “Jesus Christ!”
Trump’s war in Iran is over and won, and now we’ve got it made,
But the Strait of Hormuz is still closed, and that’s affecting trade.
So what is Trump’s solution
To a stand-off without resolution?
Why, the United States will just impose an extra double-secret naval blockade.
It’s all over for Hungary’s dictator, Viktor Orban,
For 16 years he was the country’s hard-right strongman.
But democracy’s a stubborn bitch,
And voters wanted a liberal switch,
And that’s how Hungary’s Viktor Orban got shit-canned.
The U.S. and Iran met in Islamabad to give peace a chance,
They came out of the meeting looking at each other askance.
The meeting did no good,
And further soured the mood,
But what could you expect after meeting for 21 hours with JD Vance.
Melania’s unbidden Epstein denials had us reaching for pearls to clutch,
As the First Lady would have us believe that she’s an innocent nonesuch.
But when it comes to Jeffrey Epstein,
Mel’s denials seems a little too keen,
Which leads us to the conclusion that she doth protest too much.
Trump and the Iranians seem to be in different realities,
Though they share a callousness toward the war’s casualties.
Is Trump insane
Or just insanely vain?
And how can we extract ourselves from his “Quagmire of the Vanities?”
