Undead Democracy
Mike Johnson and John Thune maintain they are blameless,
Even though the House and Senate seem equally aimless.
The president’s a pill,
So they can’t pass a bill,
And that’s how we ended up with our do-nothing zombie Congress.
Year: 2026
Bill Clinton Nails It
“Their New Deal is socialism for the super-rich (and their own enrichment) even if it means increasing poverty, inequality, and illness at home and around the world. They also want to rewrite history to ignore and outright deny our past flaws while banning books that say otherwise from our libraries. And they select even our military leaders based on their version of political correctness over ability.”
— Former President Bill Clinton, quoted by Deadline, in his July 4th message.
Trump Crypto Was Good for Trump, But Nobody Else
$3.81 billion
“An up-to-date tally of Trump followers turned crypto investors is in. And for them, the overall results are remarkably bad,” the New York Times reports. “Nearly 1 million people who bought President Trump’s memecoin have lost money through the end of June, according to a report by the cryptocurrency analytics firm Nansen. Their losses total $3.81 billion.”
Half of Americans Don’t Know Why We Celebrate the Fourth of July
53%
A new Cato Institute poll found that only 53% of Americans could correctly identify the adoption of the Declaration of Independence as the historical event marked by July 4. And 46% said they did not know what the day commemorated, including 61% of Gen Z respondents.
Lauren “Handjob” Boebert Shows Empathy for Tom Kean
“I think it’s embarrassing, still, even more so. I mean, sure, like, take care of yourself, get healthy, but who gets to take four months off of work because they’re sad?”
— Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) called Rep. Tom Kean Jr’s (R-NJ) explanation on Tuesday for his prolonged absence from Congress “embarrassing” in an interview with TMZ, Mediaite reports.
Trump’s Tree Legacy
After Trump’s gone, how best to erase the legacy
Of all the stupid things he’s done to Washington, D.C.?
For one, every re-elected president,
Or newly elected White House resident,
Should cross to Lafayette Park and plant another maple tree.
Regrettably Unforgettable
When you’re Trump The Imperial President, you do what you please,
Ballrooms, arches, reflecting pools — they’re your D.C. legacies.
Now he’s trained his sights on Lafayette Square,
And he’s sneaking in some more legacy there,
Where the 47th president plans to plant 47 symbolic maple trees.
Our Fascist Idiocracy: All the Times Trump Declared ‘Mission Accomplished’ in Iran – So Far
March 7, 2026: Trump framed the newly started conflict as a “minor excursion” that would wrap up rapidly.
March 9, 2026: One week into the air campaign, Trump told Time magazine, “I think the war is very complete, pretty much.” On the same day, he paradoxically told Republican lawmakers, “We’ve already won in many ways, but we haven’t won enough.”
March 11, 2026: Trump claimed that the U.S. had conceptually won the war in the “first hour,” but followed up by saying, “We’ve got to finish the job.”
March 12, 2026: Following heavy U.S.-Israeli airstrikes, Trump insisted the war was virtually over because there was “nothing left to target.”
Semiquincentennial Hell
The retooling of Trump’s Freedom 250, where will it end?
The has-beens set to play decided they’d rather not attend.
How best to celebrate our 250-year-old democracy,
As it’s being replaced by a Christo-fascist autocracy?
How about the national anthem as sung by Kash Patel’s girlfriend.
