Godspeed, New Orleans
Tag: Culture
How Many Bush Officials Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
Answer: Twelve.
- One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed, despite utter darkness in the room;
- One to hire a male prostitute to pretend to be a journalist and write an article supporting the administration’s opposition to changing the light bulb;
- One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
- One to create a faith-based initiative to curse the darkness, rather than screwing in a new light bulb;
- One to finally admit that the light bulb needs to be changed, while claiming that the adminstration had favored changing the light bulb all along;
- One to blame the discrepancy in the record that clearly shows the adminstration had opposed changing the light bulb on the Librul Media’s distortion of their position;
- One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
- One to take millions of dollars in contributions from lobbyists for light bulb manufacturers;
- One to write legislation that sends light bulb manufacturing jobs overseass, putting thousands of Americans out of jobs and raising the price of light bulbs 10,000 percent – that passes through the GOP Congress on a party line vote;
- One to blame the loss of light bulb jobs on gay marriage, thereby gaining the votes for the GOP of thousands of out-of-work light bulb workers;
- One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for screwing in the new light bulb;
- And finally one to write a speech that President Bush reads from a teleprompter in which he confuses Americans about the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing up the country.
Source: Emails making the rounds, with a bit of our own special flavor
Big, Fat, and Sweaty: Life in the South
Everyone knows Americans are getting fatter but a new study shows the problem is particularly huge in the South. In fact, the only state in the entire country that didn’t have to buy elastic-waist pants is Oregon, whose obesity rate, while not the lowest, didn’t increase.
Who would have guessed, y’all? There is a statistical correlation between being fat and living in the land of fried chicken, cornbread, grits with red-eye gravy, sweet iced tea, pecan pie, porch swings and Sunday afternoon naps.
The Trust for America’s Health released a report Tuesday showing that obesity is rising like a buttermilk biscuit all across America.
Mercifully, Florida was an exception to this rule, being out-leaned by only 12 other states.
Among the 10 states with the highest percentage of obese adults, seven were in the Southeast — Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky [Editor’s note: poor Kentucky — the only time they are considered in the Southeast is when someone wants to use them as a bad example] and South Carolina. More than a quarter of adults in those states are obese.
Mississippi’s 28.1 percent obesity rate was the nation’s highest; Colorado’s rate, 16.4 percent, was lowest.
Roughly 119 million adult Americans, or 64.5 percent of the population, are overweight or obese.
While complicated, the reasons for the fat epidemic boil down to: lifestyle, lifestyle, lifestyle.
“As we build cul-de-sac-type subdivisions, people can no longer just walk to school, walk to church, walk to work,” said former Maryland Gov. Parris N. Glendening, one of the report’s authors. “They can’t walk anyplace, so they have to get in the car and drive someplace.”
“It’s a toxic food environment,” said Sheah Rarback, a registered dietitian at the University of Miami. “Every gas station sells food. Every place we go, we’re stimulated to eat. It’s very hard to escape this constant stimulation for these quick grab-and-go foods, which are usually high calorie, low nutrition.”
What is it with this country and taking up maximum space? New houses are built right to the lot line, SUVs barely squeeze into parking places, and Enormous Omelet Sandwiches provide a day’s caloric intake (and a week’s worth of cholesterol) in one meal.
My theory: as public space like parklands and forests shrink, people try to take up all the private space they can. Might as well start with our own bodies. Can you move over, please? I need a little wider chair.
German Pagans Organize Against Pope’s Youth Day
In Cologne, Germany, the Committee for Pagan Fun, has been formed in opposition to the Roman Catholic Church’s World Youth Day, and has called for the creation of “religion-free zones.”
Cologne was flooded last week by hundreds of thousands of young Roman Catholics from all over the world, who came to take part in World Youth Day activities that began Tuesday and included a visit by Pope Benedict XVI.
The Committee, which is made up of artists, psychologists, philosophers, pacifists, atheists and people who do not identify with any religion, organised marches against World Youth Day, which officially ended Sunday.
The Committee also complained that one denomination — Catholicism — had temporarily taken over Cologne, and, to a lesser extent, nearby Düsseldorf and Bonn.
[…]
Arnold Proven Smarter Than the Rest of Us
This is huge. Science confirms what women have long suspected.
According to the print edition of The Week,
Researchers at Cornell University tested the effect of insecurity on men’s attitudes by giving a survey on gender identity to about 50 men. The men were then told that an analysis of the survey showed that they exhibited “weak” male characteristics – indeed, that their attitudes were effeminate. The researchers then surveyed the men’s attitudes toward politics, homosexuals, and car purchases, comparing them with a group of men whose masculinity had not been questioned. The threatened men were more likely to support the war in Iraq, more likely to oppose gay marriage and denounce gays, and more likely to express a desire to buy an SUV… “Masculinity-threatened men also reported feeling more ashamed, guilty, upset, and hostile,” says lead researcher Robb Willer.
So Arnold was really on to something with that “girlie men” remark.
In case you were wondering:
Women, the study found, did not change their attitudes when they were told their attitudes were masculine.
Kanye West Speaks Out Against Homophobia in HipHop
As a middle-aged gay Hiphop fan (oops – forgot to add white), it is heartening to learn that a top new artist has spoken out about the homophobia that is rampant in R&B and rap. Kanye West, whose first disk, “College Dropout,” was among the smartest and most original debuts in recent memory, is the first big star in Hiphop to have the guts to call homophobia for what it is: bigotry.
I saw the story in the LA Times this morning but start here at Pam’s House Blend:
Kanye West says “gay” has become an antonym to hip-hop — and that it needs to be stopped. [He says he came to terms with his own homophobia] when he learned one of his cousins was gay. “It was kind of like a turning point when I was like, `Yo, this is my cousin. I love him and I’ve been discriminating against gays.'”
West says hip-hop was always about “speaking your mind and about breaking down barriers, but everyone in hip-hop discriminates against gay people.” He adds that in slang, gay is “the opposite, the exact opposite word of hip-hop.” Kanye’s message: “Not just hip-hop, but America just discriminates. And I wanna just, to come on TV and just tell my rappers, just tell my friends, `Yo, stop it.'”
Pam adds:
Gay people, especially queer folks of color, need to come out. It’s the only way to effect change, and it’s the last thing the AmTaliban wants us to do — they want all of us back in the closet, tightly padlocked, in an “ex-gay” camp, or six feet under.
The MTV special “All Eyes on Kanye West” aired last night, but knowing MTV it’ll show again and again – so check it out.
Gubmint PR Blogger Might Say Something Interesting — Someday
A new blog among the 30,000 to 40,000 that allegedly appear daily worldwide has entered the (ho-hum) fray. Ragan Communications, a disseminator of corporate communications how-to publications, conferences and other self-help stuff for professional communicators (read: corporate mouthpieces) has sponsored Deep Background, supposedly written by a high-placed government PR person who seeks to remain anonymous.
A quick gander through the site revealed a lack of anything remotely interesting or insightful. Although it is creating some buzz in some media, the site content is too self-referential and too superficial to justify the time it takes to read it. Typical of Ragan products, the blog promises much but delivers little. Maybe that will change over time as the anonymous blogger gets his bearings and figures out exactly why the heck he’s doing this. Or not.
Perhaps it’s better to leave Deep Background deep in the background. Stick with Pensito Review, gentle reader, for cool political and cultural insights, snarky satire and occasional outbursts of heavy stuff.
Bird Flu Rapidly Spreading in Russia, Kazakhstan
Russian health workers have found mass bird deaths in a region west of the Ural mountains, in what could become the first case of deadly bird flu virus spreading to Europe, Russian health officials announced Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2005.
Russia has been trying to contain an outbreak of the H5N1 virus since mid-July, when the first case of the disease was reported in Siberia and later in neighboring Kazakhstan and Mongolia.
Russian health officials said the bird deaths occurred on a farm in the Caspian region of Kalmykia, 2,000 km (1,200 miles) from the region where the country’s first avian flu outbreak was reported. No cases among humans have been confirmed in Russia.
Kalmykia is 1,800 km south of Moscow and is the only Buddhist region in Europe.
The avian flu epidemic, officially identified in six Siberian regions, has yet to be confirmed on the west side of the Ural mountains, which separate Asia from Europe.
[…]
Florida Seeks to Distance Itself from United States of America
According to an article in today’s Miami Herald, the state of Florida sees its marketing slogan as a handicap in today’s hostile geopolitical atmosphere. Visit Florida, the state agency tasked with attracting big-butted Midwesterners and obnoxious French Cabadians to the Sunshine State, is considering dropping the “USA” from its current slogan, “FLA USA” (pronounced flawza). The reason? Guilt by geographical association.
The tourism industry is concerned that the “USA” part associates the peninsular playground with a name brand whose value in the world ain’t what it used to be, since, as recent polls have shown, most of the world hates the United States (or, more accurately, George Bush and his band of merry henchmen and the mayhem they have wrought).
William Talbert III, president of the Greater Miami Convention & Visitors Bureau, noted that President Bush had appointed long-time aide Karen Hughes to boost the country’s image in the Arab world.
”Even the president is aware our image isn’t the best in some corners of the world,” Talbert said. “The Florida brand is extraordinarily strong.”
While most involved in the complex process of selecting a new state slogan are leaning toward “Visit Florida,” Gov, Jeb Bush told WLRN Radio in Miami he thinks the phrase might be too simple.
Never ones to miss an opportunity to put in our 6 cents’ worth of creativity. and knowing what a bunch of boobs are working on this in Tallahassee, the editorial staff of Pensito Review offers these alternatives:
Visit Florida — It’s Not Really the United States, Really
Visit Florida — Uncle Jebby Says ‘Ya’ll Come On Down!’
Visit Florida — Some of Our Beaches Aren’t Contaminated with Fecal Coliform and Enteric Bacteria
Visit Florida — Yo Habla Espanol!
Visit Florida — Republica de los Plátanos
Visit Florida — Alta Cuba!
Visit Florida — It’s Not Necessarily the USA
Visit Florida — Baja America!
Visit Florida — Baja Canada!
Visit Florida — Bring Money!
Visit Florida — Because 15 Million Ohioans, Canadians and New Jerseyites Can’t All Be Wrong
Visit Florida — Where the West Nile Seems Closer
Visit Florida — It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Stupidity
Visit Florida — It’s Not Just for Hurricanes Anymore
Visit Florida in 2006 – Jeb’s Term Will Be Over
Visit Florida — Sun, Fun and a Ton of Republicans Trying to Stop It
Lott vs. Frist Offers No One to Root for
What Lott said was absolutely true. The United States would have been been much better off if Thurmond had been president instead of Republican Dwight Eisenhower – if you define the “United States” as “white males,” as Republicans do.
Boy, it’s a hard to pick someone to root for in this fight. In his new autobiography, “I Am a Lying Snake, and I Know It,”* former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-Lynching) has shellacked the current Majority Leader, Sen. Bill Frist (R-Medical Industry) for back-stabbing him after Lott fatally wounded himself by wishing out loud that the late Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-South Hypocrisy) and his pro-lynching Dixiecrat party had won the presidency in 1948.
After Lott’s fall from grace, Frist – who has admitted killing kittens for fun – was given Lott’s job by the White House, after a pro-forma vote by the GOP Bush-lickers in the Senate.
In his memoir, Lott describes his laudatory comments about a would-be Thurmond presidency as “innocent and thoughtless” and blames the media for reporting his remarks. He has a point. After all, what he said was absolutely true. The United States would have been been much better off if Thurmond had been president instead of Republican Dwight Eisenhower – if you define the “United States” as “white males,” as Republicans do.
In the book, Lott reportedly blames his conservatism on liberal professors at Yale who apparently tried to make him feel guilty about his racism – but instead made him devote his life to preserving white supremacy.
Lott most recently made headlines by joining the Senate’s Pro-Lynching Caucus – handful of Southern senators who refused to sign onto a resolution expressing regret for the Senate’s refusal to outlaw lynching in the 1960’s and before.
*Okay, obviously, that’s not the real title. It’s “Does My Hair Look Real?”
