Since Ike, every president’s had a National Prayer Breakfast,
But to date only one’s talked about “Celebrity Apprentice.”
Trump’s lamentations on its ratings
Were especially grating,
But his prayer for Schwarzennegger was just the tackiest.
Arnold Schwarzennegger’s not known for his artifice,
Though the guy did hold California’s highest office.
But in disagreeing with Donald,
One wonders if Arnold
Realizes he could get terminated from “Celebrity Apprentice.”
If there is a bigger douche than Arnold Schwarzenegger in American politics, I can’t imagine who it might be. (Newt Gingrich, possibly.) Now, nearly two years after leaving office in political disgrace and then copping to the fact that he had an child with his family’s housekeeper, the former governor of California has embarked on a desperate quest to to rewrite history and rehabilitate his image.
He has purchased an academic institute at the University of Southern California and now has released a memoir which is ironically titled “Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story.”
To promote his historical revisionism, Schwarzenegger appeared on CBS “60 Minutes” and admitted the extramarital affairs he’s had that the public already knows about:
Arnold Schwarzenegger used state-funded security measures to cover up his many sexual liaisons behind his wife’s back, according to his former security supervisor.
The explosive new claims have triggered a criminal investigation into whether or not the former California governor used tax payers’ dollars to cover up his extra-marital affairs, reports have claimed…
Veteran law enforcement officer William Taylor made the explosive claims exclusively to the National Enquirer and even passed a polygraph test.
Every town has its secrets. The difference in Los Angeles is that some of the secrets here relate to world-famous celebrities. It’s fair to say that hardly anyone in town knew that Arnold Schwarzenegger had fathered a child with a member of his household staff. But it’s equally true that there are other rumors — what Donald Rumsfeld might call “known unknowns” — that have been floating around years, decades even, that could come to light, if the scandal escalates, which, based on the volume of news reports in both legit and gossip outlets, appears to be what is happening.
Just in the past few days, the baby mama has been identified as Patty Baena, the Schwarzeneggers’ housekeeper for 20 years. Local news in Los Angeles found the McMansion Schwarzenegger bought her in Bakersfield, and neighbor interviewed by local reporters praised the son as being extremely well-mannered.
Maria Shriver has hired a divorce attorney, although sources say Shriver, who is Catholic, has not yet decided whether to proceed with divorce, which is astounding, if true. Meanwhile, her son, Patrick Schwarzenegger, 17, changed his last name to Shriver on his Twitter account.
And this one had to hurt: TMZ reports that Maria Shriver and Patty Baena were pregnant at the same time. Maria’s son Christopher was born on Sept. 27, 1997 and Baena’s son was born five days later, on Oct. 2, 1997.
The Schwarzenegger household’s in a mess
After Arnold’s dalliance with a parlor maid or governess.
His inability to modulate
His fervent need to copulate
Has brought him to a new level of classlessness.
Arnold Swarzenegger has achieved fame and wealth,
And he’s pulling his acting career off the shelf.
For his marriage, it’s curtains,
But one thing’s for certain —
That Maria Shriver sure is a MILF!
The ranks of prospective ICE agents are swiftly thinning,
With drug addicts, criminals and slobs those ranks are brimming.
Over a third can’t pass the physical test,
And the rest are, simply, not the best —
They cleave to the notion that black Kevlar riot gear is slimming.
