Year: 2026
Trump’s Tree Legacy
After Trump’s gone, how best to erase the legacy
Of all the stupid things he’s done to Washington, D.C.?
For one, every re-elected president,
Or newly elected White House resident,
Should cross to Lafayette Park and plant another maple tree.
Regrettably Unforgettable
When you’re Trump The Imperial President, you do what you please,
Ballrooms, arches, reflecting pools — they’re your D.C. legacies.
Now he’s trained his sights on Lafayette Square,
And he’s sneaking in some more legacy there,
Where the 47th president plans to plant 47 symbolic maple trees.
Our Fascist Idiocracy: All the Times Trump Declared ‘Mission Accomplished’ in Iran – So Far
March 7, 2026: Trump framed the newly started conflict as a “minor excursion” that would wrap up rapidly.
March 9, 2026: One week into the air campaign, Trump told Time magazine, “I think the war is very complete, pretty much.” On the same day, he paradoxically told Republican lawmakers, “We’ve already won in many ways, but we haven’t won enough.”
March 11, 2026: Trump claimed that the U.S. had conceptually won the war in the “first hour,” but followed up by saying, “We’ve got to finish the job.”
March 12, 2026: Following heavy U.S.-Israeli airstrikes, Trump insisted the war was virtually over because there was “nothing left to target.”
Semiquincentennial Hell
The retooling of Trump’s Freedom 250, where will it end?
The has-beens set to play decided they’d rather not attend.
How best to celebrate our 250-year-old democracy,
As it’s being replaced by a Christo-fascist autocracy?
How about the national anthem as sung by Kash Patel’s girlfriend.
Greenland Plan Saves Brand
When Trump speaks of Greenland, he sounds like a mobster,
He just wants all their resources so his mob can prosper.
But appointee Dan Stans has another plan —
We get all their seafood when we take Greenland,
Then we revive “Endless Shrimp” and save the treasured Red Lobster.
Obama Says U.S. Worse Off After Iran War
“We’ve now fought a war, spent billions and billions of dollars, you know, put enormous strain on our military. A lot of people have died. And it feels like we’re back where we were before we started the war, except maybe a little bit worse off.”
— “Former President Barack Obama said it seems like the United States has either returned to the status quo or is ‘worse off’ now than before President Donald Trump launched the war on Iran in February,” NBC News reports.
A Four-Score Bore
Since 1984 Donald Trump has been known as a “short-fingered vulgarian,”
And he’s proven himself to be a comically cantankerous contrarian.
Last week he turned eighty,
And we all paid for his party,
So now he’s just a fat, old, cranky, sleepy, short-fingered octogenarian.
The Scum Abides
As building continues, resistance rises against Trump’s ballroom,
And his name on the Kennedy Center has been judicially doomed.
Seems the only things he’s really good at
Are boldfaced lying and wearing his MAGA hat,
Oh, and filling the Reflecting Pool with scummy green algae blooms.
