Tag: Florida

The Latest Idiocy from Florida Republicans

Buck Banks

It would be laughable … oh hell, it is laughable. Here’s the latest quote-marked blurt from Republican Party of Florida Chairman Jim Greer, (edited for length, not content):

Back in the USSR

Tallahassee — Republican Party of Florida Chairman Jim Greer today released the following statement regarding President Obama’s most recent appointment of yet another czar to his administration which, in 5 short months, has now surpassed the number of czars appointed during the 300 years of Russia’s Romanov Dynasty:

“It is absolutely ridiculous that President Obama has appointed, and will most likely continue to appoint, countless czars which are nothing more than symbolic figureheads to demonstrate to the American people that he is concerned about the buzz word of the day — border czar, regulation czar, infotech czar, urban czar, the list goes on and even includes a “compensation czar,” responsible for deciding the salaries of the top 100 employees of publicly traded companies!”

In over 300 years, the Romanov Dynasty ruled Russia with only 18 czars, yet in only five short months, the United States now has an excess of over 20 czars. What happened to cutting back and doing more with less?”

“These absurd positions do nothing but take away from the transparency that President Obama promised the American people. Who do the czars report to? The President? Members of the Cabinet? Congress? Certainly not the American people? These czars allow for an unacceptable sense of unaccountability in our government. What happened to the checks and balances between the branches of government that our forefathers carefully built into our Constitution? To me it looks like those values are being side stepped in favor of an army of presidentially appointed mini-dictators. Enough is enough.”

[…]

Funny New Toll-Free Number to Find Charlie Crist

Trish

For once, a genuinely witty campaign initiative — and it’s from Democrats. The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC) has put up a toll-free number for those hoping to locate Florida’s Gov. Charlie Crist. Crist is running for the U.S. Senate seat currently marginally occupied by Sen. Mel Martinez. Both are Republicans.

Call 1-800-403-2195 to find Charlie now

When you dial 1-800-403-2195 (and you should), the typical phone lady voice thanks you for calling Gov. Crist’s scheduling office and says she’ll try to locate the governor, who has been missing from his office for 62 weekdays. You’re then offered the options of pressing 1 to continue holding, 2 to schedule a private yacht cruise with Charlie (but he only likes big yachts, you’re reminded), or 3 to meet him at a Miami Heat game (but only seated courtside and with celebrities). Jaunty music plays when you’re on hold, until the mystified phone lady returns again, still unable to find Charlie.

We’ve seen unfunny web sites and loads of unfunny T.V. and radio spots, but this idea is well-executed and effectively gets the idea across that Charlie Crist is all about being loved and having fun (with Jimmy Fallon and Jennifer Aniston?) rather than doing the boring, grown-up, governing thing. Good job!

Charlie on Hurricane Preparedness

Buck Banks

Yesterday was Opening Day of the 2009 Atlantic hurricane season. To mark the day, Florida Gov. Charlie Crist offered up this video in which he’s certainly looking tanned and, dare we say it, senatorial.

Let’s see, canned goods, batteries, radio, cellphone — yep, I s’pose I’m ready for a “safe hurricane season,” Charlie. Thanks!

My favorite part is the Web site floridadisaster.org, which I find ironic on many levels.

2010 Florida Republicans: Old, White, Male

Trish

That the Republicans are a party of old white men could be a headline from “Duh” magazine.* But when you see how that plays out in real life, as the Miami Herald showed with the 2010 Florida races, it’s pretty surprising stuff.

The Republican front-runners for statewide office include Gov. Charlie Crist for Senate, Attorney General Bill McCollum for governor, Senate President Jeff Atwater for chief financial officer and U.S. Rep. Adam Putnam for agriculture commissioner. Putnam is the only one of the GOP candidates under 50 years old…

In contrast, the Democratic front-runners for the top of the ticket are U.S. Rep. Kendrick Meek, a 42-year-old African American running for the U.S. Senate, and Chief Financial Officer Alex Sink for governor, who would be the state’s first female chief executive. A handful of Hispanic and Jewish Democrats are potentially in the mix for attorney general and chief financial officer.

This might be a bit of a simplification, since Crist’s rival in the Senate primary is former state House Speaker Marco Rubio, a Cuban-American. And Crist himself falls into a couple of minority demographic groups. First, he’s widely believed to be in the closet but gay. Second, he’s not really white but more whatever that color that U.S. Rep. John Boehner is.

Still, you can stand around saying that you just don’t get it all day long. In Florida, the Republican party is putting its slate where its mouth is. We believe them, and commend their steadfast determination to cling to an outdated leadership model, no matter what. You go, moldy white guys! Really. Go.

* Thanks, Andy Borowitz

Should They Put Al Gore on the Florida Ballot?

Buck Banks

‘To be or not to be.’

Co-editor Trish is all in a dither these days over the state of Democratic politics in Florida. Since her ballot would not be counted in Florida’s (in the eyes of the national Democratic Party — illegal) Jan. 29 vote, she says she’s not sure she’ll even vote in the presidential primary. But maybe there’s something that would get Trish to cast a ballot for a presidential candidate after all: Al Gore.

It’s almost Shakespearean.

The St. Petersburg Times’ Buzz column suggests that leaders of Florida’s Democratic Party easily could add Gore to the ballot they draw up this weekend:

Heck, most of the other Florida-snubbing Democratic candidates say Florida’s primary is so meaningless they won’t even send their spouses to mix with party regulars in Orlando this weekend. Why not have some fun with it then, and add a Nobel Peace Prize winner to the Florida ballot? Call it a favor to those Palm Beachers who accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan in 2000 and want another chance to vote for Gore. Hillary and company probably wouldn’t love the idea, but she and the rest of the field haven’t exactly been dolling out favors lately to Florida Democrats.

Why not, indeed. Although Buzz does admit to making the suggestion just to create some, ahem, buzz at this weekend’s state convention, it makes this piquant observation:

Al Gore back on the Florida ballot, after the national Democrats opted not to count Florida’s Democratic votes. It’s almost Shakespearean.

As he Bard himself might have suggested: hoist the Democratic candidates on their own petard and be done with it.

Yet Another Reason to Not Take the Florida Dems Seriously

Buck Banks

I received another weird e-mail from Florida Democratic Party chair Karen Thurman. She started off gloating over Republican national party chair Mel Martinez stepping down after only nine months on the job:

Does the Florida Democratic Party have so much money and resources that it can waste it on a spoof Web site that appears to serve no purpose beyond entertaining members of their own team?

Remember how he had big plans to resurrect the Republican Party and rehabilitate its image? It appears that was an insurmountable task.

But we shouldn’t be surprised. Martinez ignored the Floridians he was elected to represent by siding with President Bush over the people on just about everything.

One of the biggest debacles occurred this week, when Martinez and 14 Republican Representatives from Florida ripped away the promise of medical coverage for half a million uninsured Florida children and millions more children across the country.

Okay, I can understand that, and Thurman’s point is valid. Then she goes on a bit about how the SCHIP was passed on her watch in Congress. Then she begins to level accusations against the Republican Party:

Now the Republicans have put the program and millions of children in grave danger. I believe their decision to block healthcare for children will go down as a major turning point in history. No amount of spin can cover up the simple fact that these Republicans, like Feeney and Keller, chose Bush over Florida’s kids.

This vote demonstrates, in the starkest of terms, why we’re Democrats.

But here Thurman (and the FlaDems) go off the rails:

Rank-and-file, right-wing Republicans are so fed up with their candidates blustering, flip-flopping and backtracking that they’ve become desperate for another option. They need a Real Republican.

We’re giving them one.

What humdinger of an idea is coming? It’s a Web site called Draft Katherine Harris. Clever, huh? It’s ironical!

Yep, in a letter where Thurman asks for a contribution no less than six times, she unveils a Web site plastered over with unflattering photos of former Florida attorney general, erstwhile gubernatorial candidate and certifiable whack-job Katherine Harris that is intended to be humorous. I guess it would be if this were something besides a presidential election.

Does the Florida Democratic Party have so much money and resources that it can waste it on a spoof Web site that appears to serve no purpose beyond entertaining members of their team? I’m certainly no fan of Katherine Harris, but I’m even less a fan of Karen Thurman, whose judgment and leadership are certainly questionable in this instance.

Here you’ve got the state Democratic Party, which has already been put through the wringer by the Republican state legislature (oh, wait, that’s right — it was a Democrat who filed the bill to move the state’s primary to Jan. 29, incurring the wrath of the national party and rendering its primary meaningless) and the Democratic National Committee, paying to design and host a “satirical site” that is neither funny nor in good taste.

Seems to me the only joke around here is the Florida Democratic Party. And it’s not funny, either.

Borowitz Says Democrats Will Find a Way to Screw Up; Republicans Say They Already Did

Trish

Andy Borowitz needs to come to Florida. His parody column isn’t a spoof here — it’s reality.

Like manna from heaven, the Democratic presidential candidates’ boycott of Florida’s Jan. 29 primary has state GOP leaders giddy.

Amid a growing belief that there is no way the Democrats can blow the 2008 presidential election, Democratic National Committee chief Howard Dean sought today to reassure the party faithful that the party was “doing everything in its power” to uphold its losing tradition.

At a top-level summit called “Defeat: 2008” being held in Boston, the former Vermont Governor gave a rousing speech to concerned Democrats, bringing his audience to his feet by vowing, “I can assure each and every one of you, we will find a way to screw this up.”

Actually they already did. And while Democrats don’t acknowledge that banning candidates from campaigning in Florida to punish the state for moving its primary date is the dumbest thing they’ve ever done, the Republicans do.

Sure Republicans head into 2008 with an unpopular president, an unpopular war and no consensus on their best presidential candidate. But like manna from heaven, the Democratic presidential candidates’ boycott of Florida’s Jan. 29 primary has state GOP leaders giddy.

“I cannot imagine any candidate for president ever signing (such a pledge), but they have,” a beaming state Republican chairman Jim Greer told party leaders at the Presidency IV convention Sunday in Orlando…

“Our party, because of what the Democrats have done, has an opportunity that it has never had before…” Greer said. “Rules are important to any organization, but no one should be a prisoner of the rules.”

Even a Republican makes sense every now and then. Or, as Borowitz imagined it:

“Folks, let’s not forget, we’re Democrats,” Mr. Dean said. “If there’s a way to lose, we will find it.”

Florida Lite: Now With 50% Less Bush

Trish

That Florida is a different — and better — place with 50 percent less Bush was made plain in an editorial in the Palm Beach Post.

I doubt such sentiments would have appeared while Jeb was still brutishly steering the ship of state in Tallahassee. But a new story by reporter, author, and Jeb critic S.V. Date (pronounced dah-TAY), whose wife Mary Beth was recently hired into Gov. Crist’s Office of Policy and Budget, has people talking. Freely.

It seems that consultant Donna Arduin, Jeb fan and beneficiary of Florida tax dollars, is still ripping into the public till like a grizzly bear that found a bag of marshmallows in your backpack.

House Speaker Marco Rubio, R-West Miami, The Post reported this week, still spends $10,000 of the public’s money each month for the services of Donna Arduin’s consulting firm. Originally, that contract was supposed to end June 1. Ms. Arduin served as the former governor’s budget director, and is a keeper of the Jeb-is-wonderful flame.

If Donna Arduin’s job is to keep pushing Jeb Bush’s ideas, there’s no market for them

As he began his last year in office, Mr. Bush was denying that he cared about his legacy. In fact, he was installing loyalists who would continue his policies after he left.

When he became speaker, Rep. Rubio found jobs for 18 of Mr. Bush’s former aides. Putting Ms. Arduin on the payroll naturally followed. The question now is what she actually does to earn the money… Her only known contribution this year was the idea that Florida abolish the property tax and replace it with a sales tax that could have been as high as 13 percent…

Maybe the fact that she doesn’t do anything is a good thing. But, then, why pay her? Asked for specifics about what Ms. Arduin does these days, Rep. Rubio responded with platitudes. If her job is to keep pushing Jeb Bush’s ideas, there’s no market for them.

Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing. After eight years of Jeb, I’d almost forgotten that.

Democrats Stuck on Name for 48-State Strategy

Trish

What does the DNC do the day after the news that five Democrats (Barack Obama, John Edwards, Bill Richardson, Joe Biden and Dennis Kucinich) are so incensed about Michigan moving its primary up that they pulled their names off the state’s ballot?

If you guessed, “Um, they launch an idiotic campaign to win in all 50 states which, thanks to their own pigheaded bumbling by allowing no campaigning in two of the most populous states in the country, is so unrealistic and pie in the sky that they can’t even think of a name for it?” you’re right!

An email from one Tom McMahon at the DNC is pleading for my help — and yours too — to name their 2008 organizing plan. Finding a catchy title for this stillborn brainchild is paramount in the minds of our national leaders, so I am appealing to all of you loyal Pensito Reviewers out there to help. Please leave your suggestion here, and remember, “Take Your Heads Out of Your Ass Before It’s Too Late” is already taken.

Now It’s Official: FlaDem Chair Thurman Really Is Working for Lobbyist Cardenas Who Works on Romney Campaign

Buck Banks

In what is being called a “bipartisan” effort, Florida Democratic Party Chair Karen Thurman is now officially working for Republican lobbyist Al Cardenas, who advises Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, according to the Miami-Dade County Commission. The strange bedfellowship was first reported by the Miami Herald in July, and while some in the Democratic Party questioned the head of the state party organization lobbying with a Republican operative to the tune of $3,500 per month while receiving $100,000 per annum from the FDP.

It sure is strange to read a letter from Cardenas, a top advisor to Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, praising the woman determined to turn Florida from red to blue in 2008.

A couple of months down the road and a real crisis in the Florida Democratic Party, and the relationship still just doesn’t seem right.

It’s interesting to note that none of the articles on the topic of Thurman’s unholy alliance with Cardenas mentions exactly what she’s supposed to be lobbying for.

… it sure is strange to read a letter from Cardenas, a top advisor to Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, praising the woman determined to turn Florida from red to blue in 2008.

”During her time in Congress, Karen worked tirelessly on issues related to healthcare, taxes and the economy,” the letter says. It also notes her “ability to work productively with members of both parties.”

And Cardenas is nothing if not a staunch Republican. Here’s an excerpt from an article in South Florida CEO from 2003, after he stepped down as state Republican chair:

Background: Cardenas’ name has been synonymous with GOP power for decades, including a stint on President-Elect Ronald Reagan’s transition team. Now, with Florida’s governor, cabinet and two-thirds of the state legislature — plus two-thirds of Florida’s federal legislators — all Republicans, says Cardenas, “It’s more of a mission-accomplished feeling in deciding to move on to the next challenge.”

Ambition: Cardenas is now building a high-end government relations practice in Tallahassee and Washington, D.C., with a focus on “up-tier” clients. He is busy hiring top-drawer attorneys to create that type of practice for the firm.

My theory — and I’m sticking to it — is that the commission is trying to shake loose big fed money to pay for a $1 billion tunnel project between the Port of Miami and the mainland. The City of Miami Commission has so far resisted voting on ponying up $50 million for the project. Only last Thursday a looming Sept. 30 deadline to have funding in place was extended indefinitely, to allow the commissioners who are up for re-election in November to defer the vote until after the election.

The state of Florida is kicking in more than $400 million, but that still leaves a gap in the overall $914 million price tag. Enter Cardenas and Thurman, who will be going after federal transportation grants and homeland security grants for the Port of Miami on behalf of the Miami-Dade County Commission. At least that’s what I’m betting.

I’ll leave the questions about whether Thurman helped kill the Florida Democratic Party for the 2008 presidential election to the conspiracy theorists.