We read about the resignations of Gonzales and Swalwell,
And we’ve kept up with the cease-fires and damaged oil wells.
But about the Strait of Hormuz,
We were just fed up with the news,
So we went out on a binge with our old drinking buddy, Kash Patel.
Trump depicting himself as Jesus is a sign of our broken zeitgeist,
At the same time, his picking a fight with Pope Leo just isn’t nice.
But we can see how the president got confused,
See, Donald Trump has grown quite used
To people exclaiming — following his words or deeds — “Jesus Christ!”
Trump’s war in Iran is over and won, and now we’ve got it made,
But the Strait of Hormuz is still closed, and that’s affecting trade.
So what is Trump’s solution
To a stand-off without resolution?
Why, the United States will just impose an extra double-secret naval blockade.
FEMA executive Greg Phillips used to be a complete unknown,
But that was before he started using teleportation to roam.
He entered some spiritual portal,
To transport 50 miles across Georgia,
But no one ever saw him at any of the three Waffle Houses of Rome.
There was a gay, black journo named Don Lemon,
Who stopped in Minneapolis to ask questions.
But ICE got to arresting
And now Trump’s lawyers are testing
The use of the civil rights FACE Act to convict ‘im.
Pete Hegseth’s war God is a wrathful, vengeful, violent Guy,
Who springs into action when the righteous missiles start to fly.
Pete’s God is a Christian evangelical,
With, we assume, adamantine testicles,
Who sends “overwhelming violence of action” raining down from on high.
Trump joined Israel to attack Iran with bluster and bravado,
But four weeks in, he’s looking for a way out of the imbroglio.
So he postponed blowing up Iran’s power lines,
Which, by the way, is a humanitarian crime,
Now it’s Tuesday in Tehran, and time for a typical Trump T.A.C.O.
In his latest fight against windmills, Trump seems to have won,
Canceling $1 billion in wind farm leases by a French corporation.
If the French invest it in American oil and gas,
We give them every one of the billion dollars back,
Which seems like a really stupid way for a government to be run.
While Iran is closing down the Straits of Hormuz,
Trump’s buying cabinet members Florsheim shoes.
He’s not focused on the war,
But he’s on top of the decor,
Would someone please make Trump watch something besides Fox News?
At the Pentagon, the Fourth Estate is taking a battering,
With the top-tier media outlets reduced to woolgathering.
And as if to add insult to injury,
Pete Hegseth, in a narcissistic fury,
Banned photographers for taking photos he said were “unflattering.”
Don Jr. and Bettina are finding out marriage ain’t a walk in the park,
Not even when your daddy is a self-proclaimed genius and wannabe monarch.
It began with a small private wedding ceremony,
But the after-parties were where it really got tony,
With fireworks and a private Bahamian island, paid for by a Russian oligarch.
