Prez Campaign Like a ‘Handjob in a Bangkok Bathhouse’

The people who work for the wire services and the news networks are physically incapable of writing sentences like, ‘This election is even more over than the Knicks-Heat series.’ They are required, if not by law then by neurological reflex, to describe every presidential campaign as ‘fierce’ and ‘drawn-out’ and ‘hotly-contested.’ … But this campaign, relatively speaking, will not be fierce or hotly contested. Instead it’ll be disappointing, embarrassing and over very quickly, like a hand job in a Bangkok bathhouse. And everybody knows it. It’s just impossible to take Mitt Romney seriously as a presidential candidate. Even the news reporters who are paid to drum up dramatic undertones are having a hard time selling Romney as half of a titanic title bout.

— Matt Taibbi, writing in Rolling Stone magazine.

Santorum’s Non-Endorsement Endorsement of Romney

Email is insufficient for some things — like breaking up a romance, quitting a job and this:

Rick Santroum sent an email to his supporters on Monday night announcing that he would back Mitt Romeny for the presidency and that everyone needs to support “our nominee” to defeat Barack Obama. In a long explanation, which is also posted on his website, Santorum says that he spoke to Romney last week and received assurances that “family and its foundational role in America’s economic success” are also important to the former governor, too. He also says that he’s “comfortable” with Romney’s foreign policy positions and that he’s convinced Romney will repeal Obamacare if elected, so don’t worry about all that stuff I said about him being a terrible candidate…

It’s slightly telling that Santorum chose to make the endorsement in writing, rather than in person, as most failed politicians do. There may be a time in the not-too-distant future where the two rivals publicly make amends, but doing it in this way allows Santorum to stand behind the party while keeping Romney honest.