Jesse Jackson Goes to Venezuela; Chavez Says, ‘Just Shoot Me’

Seeking to mend the rift in U.S.-Venezuelan relations widened last week by God-knob Pat Robertson’s issuance of a fatwa against Venez Prez Hugo Chavez, the not-visibly-employed Rev. Jesse Jackson went to Caracas, according to the Associated Press.

Initially, Chavez was reluctant to meet with Jackson, suspecting he was a rap star come to carry out, not condemn, Robertson’s unholy assassination edict. Jackson’s avoidance of expletives and pathetic inability to do the moonwalk finally convinced Chavez that he was a preacher, not a playa.

On Monday, the civil rights leader called for both sides to tone down their “hostile rhetoric,” and urged President Bush to strongly condemn Robertson’s lunatic assassination suggestion. Yeah, that’s going to happen — right after Bush meets with Cindy Sheehan, right after he fires Karl Rove.

Invoking the language of 1970s polital discourse, Jackson expostulated thusly:

“I hope that we’ve done something to facilitate a detente on threatening rhetoric,” Jackson said. “We’re not going to have an oil war.”

Not to be outdone by the outrageous Jackson, Chavez put forth a startling suggestion that Venezuela sell cheap heating oil to America’s poor directly. He said his government would tap into its Citgo Petroleum Corp. refineries in the U.S. to sell heating oil directly to poor communities, avoiding middle men to bring down costs. Hmm, middle men like the guys who drive the heating oil delivery trucks? Will poor folk line up at Citgo refineries to have their empty milk jugs filled with heating oil?

Finally, Chavez hinted that his government could call for Robertson’s extradition to Venezuela to stand trial for his anti-Christian threats. A U.S. State Department spokesman said he didn’t believe the South American country had a legal right to request extradition.

Remember, Hugo, these are the guys who run Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib — you do not want to be named an enemy combatant.


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