Bryon Noem — Kristi’s hubby — always seemed so butch and manly,
But his secret fetish could have spelled trouble for ICE Barbie.
The former DHS head was surprised
When this truth she finally realized:
The penchant for cosplay runs wide and deep in the Noem family.
As each Trump Cabinet of Deplorables member knows,
It’s not how well you do, but how low you’ll go.
ICE Barbie Kristi Noem wants desperate immigrants
To become desperate game-show contestants
Starring in an ICE-sponsored citizenship reality-TV show.
Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem is tawdry and blowzy,
She treats her cabinet post less like a job and more like a hobby.
She likes to play dress-up
In all manner of getups,
Which has earned her the apt and fitting nickname, “ICE Barbie.”
With Burmese pythons the Florida Everglades are overrun,
We’re killing some, but what do you do with a dead one?
Well, a guy in Fort Myers takes the dead snakes
And using every part of them, products he makes,
So he’ll trade you a free “specialty” pizza for a dead python.
