Month: September 2019

Trump Says He Could End Afghanistan War ‘Very Quickly’

Buck Banks

“We’ve been very effective in Afghanistan, and if we wanted to do a certain method of war, we would win that very quickly, but many, many, really, tens of millions of people would be killed, and we think it’s unnecessary.”

— President Trump, saying that the United States could end the nearly 19-year war in Afghanistan “very quickly” if he chose to do so but that it would involve killing “tens of millions” of people, the Washington Post reports.

Trump Shows Off His Own Circle of Hell

Buck Banks

CREDIT: justplainpolitics.com
From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, by Ella Gale

I’m the first guy to get a whole circle, it’s terrific. They evicted the Kennedys to put it in. Nobody, and I mean nobody else got this much abyss. Moody Judy Iscariot lives in a studio apartment in Satan’s mouth. Sad! Welcome to Mar-a-Lava.

Look at my pit. I have the deepest pit with the sharpest knives. These other guys, they have shallow fork holes, it’s pathetic. You should have seen how many demons came to my desecration. Packed like sardines. The noise was incredible. Biggest horde ever. They all wanted a piece of me. Good thing the pieces grew back. Very powerful agony!

It’ll take us ten minutes to get across the snake field. Huge hassle, but every time I ask for a golf cart a maggot-eyed horror pokes me with a solid gold pitchfork. Watch. Can we get a golf cart? [A moist crunching followed by an agonized shriek]. They have to send [several seconds of gasping] their biggest and strongest demon because gold is so soft and the pitchfork is so heavy.

[…]

Dems Targeting Over 26,000 Down-Ballot Races Nationwide

Buck Banks

26,849

“Contest Every Race, a new coalition of Democratic groups, is launching a seven-figure campaign to challenge Republican incumbents in 26,849 down-ballot local races,” Axios reports. “2020 is more than just the presidential election. Democrats are getting serious about trying to gain more power at the local level, whether through city council seats, school boards, or state legislatures. … There are 520,000 elected offices in the country. As many as 75% go uncontested, per the group, ceding many of those seats to Republicans.”

Trump Finally Comfortable with His Basket of Deplorables

Buck Banks

“After four national security advisers, three chiefs of staff, three directors of oval office operations and five communications directors, the president is now finding the White House finally functions in a way that fits his personality. Trump doubters have largely been ousted, leaving supporters to cheer him on and execute his directives with fewer constraints than ever before.”

— Politico

Schiff Suspects Obstruction in the Oval Office

Buck Banks

“I believe that there is an effort to prevent this information getting to Congress. And if the assertion is accurate … then at one level or another, it likely involves either the president or people around him.”

— House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff (D-CA), quoted by CBS News, on the White House trying to stifle a whistleblower complaint.

Trump Wants Us to Believe He’s Not as Dumb as We Think He Is

Buck Banks

“Knowing all of this, is anybody dumb enough to believe that I would say something inappropriate with a foreign leader while on such a potentially ‘heavily populated’ call. I would only do what is right anyway, and only do good for the USA!”

— President Trump insisted on Twitter that he would never “say something inappropriate with a foreign leader” over the phone because he’s well aware “many people” listen into his calls.

Voter Turnout Doubled for College Students in Midterms

Buck Banks

40%

Washington Post: “College students across the United States more than doubled their rate of voting between the 2014 and 2018 midterm elections, according to a study published Thursday by Tufts University — a dramatic spike in political engagement that could draw unprecedented attention to these voters in next year’s presidential election. … The study found that 40% of students who are eligible to vote cast ballots last year, up from 19% in 2014.”

McCarthy Suggests Annexing Mexico

Buck Banks

“There is a process to become states for the United States. Clearly 30 million Mexican illegal immigrants want to be United States citizens, probably half the country wants to be United States citizens.”

— Daniel McCarthy (R), who is challenging Sen. Martha McSally (R-AZ) in the Republican primary, suggesting the United States annex Mexico, RealClearPolitics reports. McCarthy also suggested that adding some “beachfront property” to U.S. territory might be nice.