Somewhere a team of psychologists is researching why, during the brink of economic collapse, new parents chose to christen their babies with names right off the roster of a Society Hill private school. According to a list released annually for Mother’s Day by the Social Security Administration, every baby born in 2009 will someday wear Ralph Lauren. In order, here are the most pretentious popular girls’ names:
- Isabella
- Emma
- Olivia
- Sophia
- Ava
- Emily
- Madison
- Abigail
- Chloe
- Mia
And the boys:
- Jacob
- Ethan
- Michael
- Alexander
- William
- Joshua
- Daniel
- Jayden
- Noah
- Anthony
One web site, MyBeautifulSophia, is ahead of the trend, promising to dress the “petite elite.” Once Jayden and Abigail grow up, the world, I fear, could be in trouble.



I was at a drive-in in Santa Barbara about 30 years ago, and a group of mothers were there with their children who were all boys, about 5-6 years old. The boys started getting rambunctious as young boys will, and the mothers began piping up, “Trevor!” “Austin!” “Heath!” “Preston!” It simultaneously cracked me up and made me nauseous.