Year: 2009

Ted Haggard: ‘Heterosexual with Issues’ Or Bisexual without a Clue?

Jon Ponder

Disgraced megachurch preacher Ted Haggard is back. The poster boy of sexuality-based self-hatred is the subject of a new HBO documentary, The Trials of Ted Haggard,” by Alexandra Pelosi. He is also the object of new allegations of sordid misconduct back when he was still the spiritual leader of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado, as well as the president of the National Evangelical Association and a frequent visitor to the Bush White House.

“Are we going to be godly, or are we going to be bad?”
– Ted Haggard to Grant Haas

The charges come from Grant Haas, 22, who says he sought counseling from Haggard three years ago after having been kicked out of a Bible college because he was gay. But based on Haas’ description, it appears Haggard’s “counseling” was more about how to live as a closeted but still sexually active right-wing Christian on the down low than it was, thankfully, about “reparative therapy” or any of the other so-called Christians’ anti-gay hokum.

In an extensive radio interview last week with pioneering gay activist Michaelangelo Signorile, Haas described a world behind the scenes at New Life that sounds more like Saturday night at Disco-era bathhouse than everyday goings-on at a megachurch.

First of all, Pastor Ted was even more of a hot mess than was known previously. For example, he told Haas that he frequently indulged in a lethal cocktail of drugs he called the “party formula”:

HAAS: [Haggard] explained that the “party formula” usually involved taking crystal-meth, poppers, Viagra, renting pornography and jerking off alone or with others. He told me that he knew a lot of people who were into this type of activity and found it very enjoyable.

Haggard also revealed that his favorite porn film was “Greek Holiday.” And, venturing way deep into TMI territory, he informed Haas that he owned a dildo that was cast from his own, well, self, which he’d nicknamed “Ted 2.”

According to Haas, Haggard and other male staffers ran a program called “Twenty-four-Seven,” which Signorile describes as…

[…]

Twitter Me Croton!

Buck Banks

plant_twitter.jpg

I understand that Twitter is the hottest new social media thingy going, even though it doesn’t make any money — except for goo-gobs of venture capital.

I’m on Twitter —marginally. I mean, there are these people I don’t know who “follow” me, which is creepy, and in return, I “follow” other people I don’t know, which is less creepy but still somehow unfulfilling. And I’m a big-idea kind of guy, so 140 characters is a real struggle — it’s not even a decent introductory sentence’s worth of words.

OK, so maybe I don’t “get” Twitter the way I “get” LinkedIn, but I read about something in the Miami Herald this weekend that I truly believe would enable me to finally “grok” Twitter. It’s called Botanicalls, and for just $99 you can get tweets from your tulips, messages from your mums, IMs from your impatiens. Of course, you have know how to solder and do some computer programming, so it’s not exactly a turn-key product.

Jill Rosen, the reporter who wrote the story for the Baltimore Sun, recorded this heart-breaking series of tweets from the croton in her office that is rigged with a Botanicall outfit.

On Friday, she received this message from her plant: “Water me, please.” But Rosen was too busy to check her Twitter account, and went home for the weekend, leaving her vexed vegetable untended. The pitiful perennial sent another message over the weekend: “URGENT!” But Rosen was too busy having fun to heed the desperate, all-capped and emphatically punctuated cry for help from her suffering shrub.

On Monday morning, though, when a chastened Rosen finally read the tweets from her parched plant, she raced to give the dessicated croton a drink of water, after which the plant really laid it on thick with a snarky “Thank you for watering me!”

Who needs that kind of crap from a plant when I’ve got friends on Facebook whose inane messages and SuperPokes I ignore for weeks.

I think I’ll save the $99 and just follow Rosen’s croton on Twitter.

Republican Blows Iraq Security by twittering About It

Trish

Hoekstra’s twitter feed

Just when you thought you could hold no more contempt for Republicans, along comes this bit of news: the former chair (when Republicans ran things) of the House Intelligence Committee breached security by twittering about a secret trip to Iraq — while he was there.

Security for the excursion was so tight that even the few media outlets that knew about it agreed not to report it. But that didn’t stop Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) from twittering away on the subject like a tourist at Disneyworld.

“Just landed in Baghdad,” messaged Hoekstra, a former chairman of the Intelligence panel and now the ranking member, who is routinely entrusted to keep some of the nation’s most closely guarded secrets…

Not only did Hoekstra reveal the existence of the lawmakers’ trip, but included details about their itinerary in updates posted every few hours on his Twitter page, until he suddenly stopped, for some reason, on Friday morning.

Hoekstra, like most Republicans in politics, has never served in the military. What he has done, however, is build a long and distinguished history as a dumbass. It was Hoekstra, after all, who erroneously announced in 2003 that (chemical) weapons of mass destruction had been located in Iraq. A few years later, in 2006, a web site he created, along with Sen. Pat Roberts (R-Kan.) was shut down after the New York Times reported the site was helpful to anyone who would like to create their own nuclear weapon.

Which might explain why he posted top secret security information for the world to read in real time.

Since it’s already a matter of public record, here are some of Hoekstra’s twitter dispatches, typos and all, delivered in just 140 characters or less:

“On the way to Andrews Air Force base.12 hour flight to mid east. Be back on Mon instead of tues. Votes mon. I’ll keep you posted,” he wrote on Feb. 4

In his last dispatch today, he wrote: “Moved into green zone by helicopter Iraqi flag now over palace. Headed to new US embassy Appears calmer less chaotic than previous here [sic].”

It does not explain what House Minority Leader Rep. John Boehner was thinking when he included this moron on the trip.

Hoekstra is planning to retire at the end of his current term. We can only hope he won’t have the opportunity to pass along any other vital information first.

I’ve Been Snagged by Sarah Palin

Buck Banks

beartrap.jpg

A few days back, I wrote a post about former veep candidate and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin starting up Sarah PAC, her own personal political action committee. I was going to sign up for updates only, but filling in that box led me to a whole online form, which there was no way I was going to complete. However, I got caught in that initial bear trap. That was Jan. 28. On Feb. 4 I received this:

Dear Supporter,

I wanted to take a moment to thank you for joining SarahPAC. What a week it has been! Thanks to supporters like you we have had a fabulous start.

I want you to know that I have been truly touched by your notes of support and encouragement and look forward to working with you all in the future to advance our shared ideas and goals. These are just a few of the touching notes I’ve received from you:

Don from Juneau, AK: “I joined the PAC, and I’m willing to help in any way I can. I firmly believe you are exactly what this country needs, more so now than ever. Go Sarah!”

Cindy from St. Louis, MO: “My husband and I signed up for the PAC this morning. We are thrilled and behind you 100%! We will help any way we can.”

Dee from Nashville, TN: “Be courageous! Be strong! Be bold! Don’t quit. Thanks for all you’ve done, there are many of us praying for you daily!”

As a nation, we face serious challenges ahead. Our country is far too dependent on foreign sources of energy. Greed and corruption have broken the public’s faith in our economic system.

[…]

I Friend Dead People*

Buck Banks

silhouette.jpg

There’s this dead guy on my Facebook page and I don’t know what to do about him. He died back in mid-December, just a few days after he logged in to his Facebook page for the last time. I’d pretty much forgotten he was in my friends list until his birthday notice popped up earlier this week. Today is his birthday, so Facebook reminds me, not that I knew the date when he was alive.

See, we weren’t really friends, just business acquaintances. Indeed, we only share one friend on Facebook, and I know her but vaguely, though better than some of my Facebook friends, who I know only through friends or friends of friends. They could be dead, too, for all I know.

The weird thing is, once his upcoming birthday was announced, the guy was almost permanently in that little group of friend’s pages that shows up on your home page. And since he never uploaded a photo of himself, there’s just a ghostly outline — which I guess is a better likeness now than when he was alive. The spooky silhouette makes it more difficult to ignore him, or at least the Facebookial representation of his ex-existence.

The good thing is, he won’t SuperPoke me, but he’s haunting my Facebook page.

The question is, what to do about it? It wouldn’t feel right to “unfriend” him just because he’s dead. But do I really need a previously alive person on my Facebook page? Don’t get me wrong: the good thing is, he’s not going to SuperPoke me or hit me with a chicken or throw a water balloon or a sheep at me on Facebook. The bad thing is, he’s haunting my Facebook page.

According to a column in the New York Times, it’s not unusual for survivors to leave up a deceased family member’s Facebook page. It’s kind of a cyber-memorial that says, “He was here, on Facebook, at least.”

At a family member’s request, Facebook will delete a deceased person’s account. But, [Brandee] Barker [,a Facebook spokeswoman] added gently, “Many people who have somebody they’re still mourning find it very comforting and feel it keeps them connected to a loved one.”

But that assumes the family knew he had a Facebook page. Maybe he did it in secret. But there’s an adult daughter listed among his friends, and if you Google him, not only does his obit come up, but so does the link to his Facebook page, so the word’s out there.

I suppose the reason I would take his page down is because it’s so pitiful. He started doing Facebook in October 2007, and by the time he died, he’d accumulated just 16 friends, joined three groups and gave one guy a beer. That’s not much of a life on Facebook, while in real life the guy truly was somebody back in the day, a real, bona fide, New York City kind of important person. But you wouldn’t know it to look at his Facebook page; you’d have to read the obituary to understand he was not the loser his Facebook page would have you believe.

So I guess he’s going to stay on my friends list. I’ll keep him around to remind me — every year on his birthday — of my own tenuous mortality, oh, and to live well and leave a great-looking Facebook page.

*Thanks for the headline, Trish

Racist Email Sinks Florida Republican Committee Member

Trish
Comedian Carol Carter

A Florida Republican party board member took calls for her resignation over a flagrantly racist email as an opportunity to demonstrate her profound dull-wittedness. Any doubts about executive committee member Carol Carter’s prejudices were erased in her unapologetic apology.

It started when Carter sent this unfunny email to “less than a dozen” people through her personal account. At least one of them forwarded it on and it ended up with the party’s state chair and the media.

“I’m confused. How can 2,000,000 blacks* get into Washington, DC in 1 day in sub zero temps when 200,000 couldn’t get out of New Orleans in 85 degree temps with four days notice?”

Well gosh, Carol, I’m confused too. Maybe it’s because black people only want to get off their asses for a party? And they are too lazy to walk out of New Orleans with the clothes on their backs to go god knows where? What’s your explanation, Carol?

Before she resigned, Carter followed up the e-mail with an apology, but added in the message, ”I do hope that we are going to be allowed to keep our sense of humor.” Later in a telephone interview, she said she regretted that the e-mail became public because she realized it “could be taken as very racial.”

”I would never take something like this to the media,” she said. “It’s like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

In one fell swoop Carter blamed whoever leaked her little joke to the media, insulted everyone who saw this as the stunningly hateful and snide remark it was fully intended to be (which evidently includes people in her own inner circle), lashed out at the leaker, and used bad grammar. The word is “racist,” honey, not “racial.” The fact that you don’t know the difference is part of the problem. You’re one of those idiot white people the rest of us blush over.

Speaking of turning red, no doubt that’s what Jim Greer, Florida GOP chair, did when he found out about Carter’s missive. Greer serves on the transition team for Michael Steele, the Republicans’ first black national chair.

* Let’s all buy into the idea that Obama is only the president of black people, shall we?