Day: September 5, 2007

Who Knew Wingnut Richard Viguerie Had a Sense of Humor?

Buck Banks

Richard Viguerie, he for whom all real conservative politics died with Barry Goldwater, is a favorite punching bag of mine. He tends to send out topical blurts that mainly serve to make him seem completely out of step with most Americans and with only a tenuous grasp on reality. But today he really surprised me by issuing a satirical press release that, while not a knee-slapper, is rather clever and much more fun to read than his usual screed:

Producers wanted to sign Thompson for the series because he was seen as a ‘natural,’ having already impersonated a conservative U.S. Senator for eight years.

Fred Thompson Under Contract to Play “The Conservative”

(Washington, D.C.) Fred Thompson, well known for his role as the District Attorney in NBC’s wildly successful “Law and Order” series, has been signed by Faux Productions to star in its new political soap opera, “The Conservative.”

The prime-time soap will appear on the Political Network.

The series’ debut is expected any day, after summer production mishaps that saw the replacement of many top staff executives. Financing for the show also proved harder to obtain than originally expected. But Faux Productions President Howard Baker maintains a steady optimism about the new soap’s prospects for success.

“We have done massive research into what the American public wants in a politician today,” says Baker, “and we’re going to give them everything they want.”

“They want a strong national-defense conservative, so we’re giving them a strong national-defense conservative.”

“The public wants a fiscal conservative, so we’re giving them a fiscal conservative.”

“And most of all, they want a social conservative, so we’re giving them a social conservative.”

One Faux executive confided to The Washington Insider that the producers wanted to sign Thompson for the series because he was seen as a “natural,” having already impersonated a conservative U.S. Senator for eight years. It is not yet known whether the new production will bring back the old stage props, such as Fred’s red pickup truck. That may be fine for Tennessee, the executive said, but too unsophisticated for a national show. Rumors are also rampant that Jeri Thompson, who plays the leading distaff role as The Conservative’s child bride, doesn’t like pickup trucks.
[…]

Richardson: God Picked the Primary Dates

Trish

God reveals the primary dates to Moses

The primary situation is getting downright comical, even as Florida Gov. Charlie Crist (R) pledges to veto any bill that would un-do the recent move to a Feb. 5 election.

That declaration comes after my previous pick, John Edwards, insulted my home state.

Comment from God: “I’ve decided to call Bill Richardson home. And maybe that short ugly guy from Ohio too.”

“This election, more than any other, is about real change and choosing the candidate who is going to fight for that change,” Edwards said in a statement released by his campaign Saturday. “Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina need to be first because in these states ideas count, not just money.”

All righty then. I’ve already written the Edwards campaign to ask for my tainted Florida money back.

But the topper has got to be Gov. Bill Richardson (D-N.M.) Richardson’s claim that God Himself chose the primary dates is explored in a hilarious post on the Tampa Tribune’s blog, the Buzz.

God Likes Democratic Boycott of Florida

Well, He didn’t tell us that directly. But Bill Richardson says there’s divine support for Iowa’s status in the nominating process:

“Iowa, for good reason, for constitutional reasons, for reasons related to the Lord, should be the first caucus and primary,” Richardson, New Mexico’s governor, said at the Northwest Iowa Labor Council Picnic. “And I want you to know who was the first candidate to sign a pledge not to campaign anywhere if they got ahead of Iowa. It was Bill Richardson.”

Readers are having a field day making comments about Bill’s obviously caught up and overwrought oration.

[…]

Florida Democratic Party Update: Sit Tight, Trust Us

Buck Banks

I received this inane message from Florida Democratic Party Chair Karen Thurman this morning:

I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day Weekend. As you may have heard, on Friday and Saturday, the Democratic Presidential candidates signed a pledge to not campaign in any state, other than the four pre-authorized states (IA, NV, NH, SC), that holds its primary prior to Feb. 5, 2008. Of course, Florida’s state-run Presidential Preference Primary is scheduled for one week prior to that date. This came on the heels of a DNC Rules & Bylaws Committee meeting to penalize Florida Democrats with a 100 percent delegate reduction if our delegates are not selected on Feb. 5 or later.

This is obviously a difficult situation, but I want to assure you that your Party, Democratic Congressional Delegation, DNC members and other Democratic leaders are working hard to find a solution that is amenable to the DNC, the Chairs of the four pre-authorized states, the candidates and, most of all, Florida Democrats. We hope to be making an announcement in the coming weeks.

Until then, we strongly encourage you to keep your eyes on the prize and continue moving forward with laying the groundwork for victory in November 2008. Use that voter file, talk to your friends and neighbors, sign up to be a delegate to the state convention, and get involved. These intra-party discussions shouldn’t distract us from the real goal or let the Republicans get the upper hand. No matter which cards we’re dealt, we must deliver our state’s 27 electoral votes — and the Presidency — to the Democratic nominee. The country needs us.

Stay tuned for more information. Thank you for your hard work.

-KLT

Hear that sucking sound? It’s the Florida Democratic Party’s leadership vacuum.

Let the train wreck begin!