Year: 2006

Stupid terrorist: Today President Bush revealed that his anti-terrorist efforts had thwarted a plot to fly an airliner into a building in Los Angeles:

We now know that in October 2001, Khalid Shaykh Muhammad — the mastermind of the September the 11th attacks — had already set in motion a plan to have terrorist operatives hijack an airplane using shoe bombs to breach the cockpit door, and fly the plane into the tallest building on the West Coast. We believe the intended target was Liberty Tower in Los Angeles, California.

This makes absolutely no sense. How does a shoe bomber highjack a plane?

Wouldn’t a bomb used to “breach the cockpit door” do serious damage to the forward compartments, potentially de-stabilizing the plane?

And even if the bomb didn’t destroy the fuselage, after it explodes, the highjacker is weaponless and therefore no longer a threat.

So maybe there was another scenario — maybe the highjacker intended to use his shoe bomb as leverage to get the crew to comply with his demands:

Or let’s assume he gets into the cockpit:

The crew would have no reason to comply with the shoe bomber’s demands. What do they have to lose? They and the passengers are going to die in either case.

There is something missing in this story. Or the president lied.

Speaking of lying, the creepiest thing about President Bush is that we can never know for sure if he is prevaricating or merely an incompetent bungler.

In all of Los Angeles’ 500 squares miles, there is no “Liberty Tower,” which Mr. Bush identified as the target of the attack. Later in the day, the White House horse hockey brigade issued a correction: He meant the “Library Tower,” which is the former name of the city’s tallest building, now known as the US Bank Building.

Okay. Sounds straightforward. He bungled the name as he is wont to do. But isn’t his choice of words — “liberty” versus “library” — just too cute by half?

But was it a typical Bush malapropism — he just mangled “li-berry” for “liberty?” Or was it a subtle lie that enabled the president to utter a political keyword? As I’ve said before, I almost wish I believed he lied all the time, which would indicate cleverness, but I suspect he’s just the most incompetent person who has ever sat in the Big Chair.

Lastly, this is not the first plot we have heard of that targeted this building, so don’t expect anyone in Los Angeles to get too excited about the announcement today.

New Tomb Found in Valley of Kings
CAIRO, Egypt – American archaeologists have uncovered a pharaonic-era tomb in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings, the first uncovered there since King Tutankhamun’s in 1922, Egypt’s antiquities chief announced Wednesday. Zahi Hawass, head of the Supreme Council of Antiquities said, “Curse? what cur-aaaaiiiieeeee!!!”

Yer Out! No Baseball, Softball for 2012
TURIN, Italy – They’re out! Baseball and softball won’t be played at the 2012 London Olympics. Baseball and women’s softball remain on the program for the 2008 Beijing Games, and will be eligible to reapply for readmission to the 2016 games. The American sports have been replaced by cricket and pub darts for the London Games.

Chavez Calls Blair ‘Pawn of Imperialism’
CARACAS, Venezuela – Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez on Wednesday called British Prime Minister Tony Blair “a pawn of imperialism,” accusing him of siding with President Bush in a confrontation with Venezuela. Blair, known for his rapier-like wit when trading barbs with Parliament, replied, “I know I am, but what are you?”

Hezbollah Leader to Bush: ‘Shut Up’
BEIRUT, Lebanon – The leader of Hezbollah, heading a march by hundreds of thousands of Shiite Muslims Thursday, said President Bush and his secretary of state should “shut up” after they accused Syria and Iran of fueling protests over cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad. In the latest AP/IPSOS poll, six out of 10 Americans agree with Hezbollah that Bush and Rice both should just shut the hell up.

But it doesn’t rhyme: This is a poem made up entirely of actual things uttered by George W. Bush. They allegedly have been arranged for “aesthetic” purposes by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. Though it is not actually haiku, it does read like a kind of blank verse.

BUSH HAIKU

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It’s a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pant leg of opportunity.

I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!

Make the pie higher!

Thanks to Lili.

Are you sitting down: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has claimed his new committee memberships and one of them is a doozy:

DeLay, R-Texas, also claimed a seat on the subcommittee overseeing the Justice Department, which is currently investigating an influence-peddling scandal involving disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff and his dealings with lawmakers.

Middle Eastern oil suppliers aren’t so happy with Pres. Bush’s State of the Union admission that America is addicted to their main export. Saudi Arabian Oil Minister Ali Naimi is decrying Pres. Bush’s newfound “prejudice against hydrocarbons.” They might not even expand production if that’s the way we feel about it.

“What concerns us is all the talk about not wanting our oil,” Naimi told an audience at the Cambridge Energy Research Associates conference. “It’s something to take into consideration.”

We’re not worried. We have a plan.

Bush’s strategy calls for substituting 30 percent of the nation’s fuel supply by 2025 with ethanol made from farm waste such as cornstalks and switch grass.

Actually, when I hear Bush talk about limiting imports, I figure that’s Rovespeak for “Goodbye ANWR. Goodbye Florida Gulf coast.”

But our friends in the field, not surprisingly, hear it differently.

His singling out of Middle Eastern oil was striking, rankling Saudi sensibilities.

After all, Saudi Arabia and other Persian Gulf producers accounted for only 17 percent of the nation’s oil imports during the first 11 months of 2005, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration.

And the Gulf states could hardly be deemed more volatile than producers like Venezuela, Nigeria or even Russia.

The Saudis don’t really see the problem anyway.

Asked whether he thinks America is addicted to oil, [Saudi Arabia’s ambassador to Washington Prince Turki Al-Faisal] wondered: “Why do you want to live without it?”

Because when the same percentage of Chinese people as Americans decide to drive Hummers we, as a planet, are toast?

Erlichman, Haldeman, Rove: The major difference between our criminal 37th and 41st presidents is that the current lawbreaker-in-chief, Mr. Bush, has admitted to his illegal actions, whereas President Nixon never did cop to his crimes.

Still, it’s like the Bushists are using an old Nixon playbook. Now, true to form, the president’s chief enforcer, Karl Rove, is calling Republican senators and threatening them with being blacklisted by the White House. This report comes from the ultra-rightwing Washington Times, a newspaper owned by the Rev. Sun Yung Moon, head of the Unification Church cult. You can find it on the Washington Times website — go here to Google it:

The White House has been twisting arms to ensure that no Republican member votes against President Bush in the Senate Judiciary Committee.s investigation of the administration’s unauthorized wiretapping.

Congressional sources said Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove has threatened to blacklist any Republican who votes against the president. The sources said the blacklist would mean a halt in any White House political or financial support of senators running for re-election in November…

The sources said the administration has been alarmed over the damage that could result from the Senate hearings, which began on Monday, Feb. 6. They said the defection of even a handful of Republican committee members could result in a determination that the president violated the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. Such a determination could lead to impeachment proceedings.

Others have pointed out the irony of having Rove — who blithely revealed the identity of a secret agent who was monitoring the black market for weapons of mass destruction for purely political reasons — threatening to kneecap members of his party who believe the president does not have the authority to spy on U.S. citizens.

Bush Worshipers: Please Don’t Riot