From Trump’s “stolen election” lies, we can’t get no relief,
He carps on about stolen votes, but he never names the thief.
Somebody needs to tell this guy
Americans aren’t buying his lies,
And that he’s turned us into the United States of Disbelief.
Though Pete Hegseth seems overly focused on makeup and hair,
He also wants his troops to be battle-ready and fully prepared.
To be at their “absolute best,”
They’ll take a testosterone test,
And if found deficient, will receive gender-affirming health care.
Donald Trump has done a heckuva job leading our grateful nation.
For his many projects and interior designs, he deserves an ovation.
So what to give a guy who has everything —
Another plaque, or a medal or a signet ring?
How about a 10-foot-tall gold trophy for “Iran War Participation.”
He was known in the Senate for his special brand of feydom,
And when it came to Trumpian ass-kissing, he was a perfect specimen.
We’ll remember him as someone less than grand —
Standing alone at Disney World, bubble wand in hand.
But now it’s time to say goodbye and good riddance, Lindsey Graham.
From Donald Trump the world’s modern populists are taking a cue,
When scandal erupts they dish out a helping of “deep state” stew.
If a cabal of elites attacks democracy,
The modern populists cry out “WWTD!”
For when globalists attack, modern populists ask, “What Would Trump Do?”
Pundits say that Trump’s $5,000 midterm bribe was an overreach,
And they agree that if lies were a crime, he’d be impeached.
Despite all the dividend promises he’s made,
The fact is, not one has ever been paid,
So even before the midterms, he already owes us $8,000* each.
*$5000 stimulus checks via “DOGE dividend”; $2000 stimulus checks via a “tariff dividend”; $1000-plus checks via “savings” from expiring Affordable Care Act subsidies
