Make Reading the News More Enjoyable

06 Oct, 2024

Make Reading the News More Enjoyable

January 4, 2016 Buck Banks

Cartoon website xkcd.com offers the following list of suggested word substitutions to make reading the daily news — especially political reporting — much more entertaining.

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Make Reading the News More Enjoyable

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Poetic Justice

Verbatim

“Yes they can control the weather. It’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.”

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), accusing Democrats of creating Hurricane Helene for political purposes.

“Liberty in Georgia includes in its meaning, in its protections, and in its bundle of rights the power of a woman to control her own body, to decide what happens to it and in it, and to reject state interference with her healthcare choices.”

— Fulton County Superior Court Judge Robert McBurney finding that Georgia’s six-week abortion law violates Georgia’s Constitution, reports the AP.

“Maybe we’ll pay off the $35 trillion US debt in crypto. I’ll write on a little piece of paper ‘$35 trillion crypto we have no debt.’ That’s what I like.”

— Donald Trump, floating a plan to address the federal budget deficit and demonstrating his deep understanding of the crypto marketplace.

“To my friends in Nebraska, that one electoral vote could be the difference between Harris being president and not, and she’s a disaster for Nebraska and the world.”

— Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), quoted by Politico, on his trip to Nebraska to push for the state’s Republican leadership to change how it awards its electoral votes.

“I will if he does. That’s a trade-off I’d do.”

— George Clooney, on Jimmy Kimmel Live, responding to Donald Trump’s call for him “to get out of politics.”

Numerati

254,000

“The pace of hiring picked up strongly in September and the unemployment rate ticked down to 4.1%, signs the economy had continued momentum in a month the Federal Reserve delivered its first interest-rate cut in four years,” the Wall Street Journal reports.

49% to 44%

A new Susquehanna poll finds Kamala Harris leading Donald Trump nationally among likely voters, 49% to 44%.

40 trillion

$55 million

Kamala Harris raised about $55 million in high-dollar events in California this weekend, a haul that pads her financial advantage over Donald Trump, Bloomberg reports.

57%

A new NBC News poll finds about 57% of voters report feeling negatively about Project 2025, with 51% saying they see the proposal “very” negatively and another 7% saying they view it “somewhat” negatively. Just 4% of voters reported viewing the conservative policy plan positively.