Today’s Borowitz Report is beyond great.
Four and a half years after he was first sworn in as president, experts in the field of disaster assessment today called the presidency of George W. Bush the worst disaster in the history of the United States of America…
Dr. Lorraine Cresser…said that the University of Minnesota experts decided to place the current administration at the top of the nation’s list of huge disasters after assessing the damage the White House has caused over the past four and a half years, both at home and abroad.
“After taking a good look at the wreckage the Bush presidency has created, we would estimate the cost of the damage at somewhere in the mid to high zillions,” Dr. Cresser said.
Hours after the University of Minnesota released its findings, House Speaker Dennis Hastert said that given the high price tag, rebuilding the Bush presidency “doesn’t make sense to me.”
…But hours later, the Speaker backtracked somewhat, telling reporters, “Like most Republicans in Congress, I have been drinking very heavily for the past several days.”
Elsewhere, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said today that his department would intensify the search for those missing since Hurricane Katrina hit, including Vice President Dick Cheney.