Lord, please call Pat Robertson, host of Christian Broadcasting Network’s The 700 Club and founder of the Christian Coalition of America, home to you before he kills Hugo Chavez because of creeping Communism, the potential of Venezuela becoming a launchpad for Muslim extremists and — the Monroe Doctrine!
On a lighter note, Ezra Klein actually found Bibical justification for Pat’s fatwa against Hugo:
Think he’s ever masturbated? If so, Genesis 38:8 says he’s finished. Exodus 12:12 lets us off him if he’s ever struck another man with a deadly blow, a particularly helpful passage if we let Robertson do the deed himself with a blunt object — they can exit stage left together. I don’t know if Chavez ever hit his parents, but Exodus 21:15 finishes him if he did. Better yet, he sure seems like he was stubborn and rebellious as a kid, a juvenile heritage that we can stone him for (Deuteronomy 21:18). If Hugo’s got any friends who pray to a God other than the fearsome overlord of the Bible, we can take him down for letting them live (Deuteronomy 13:6). But screw it, we can basically throw all this out and follow Titus 1:10 which says, in essence, that there are tons of talkers and deceivers, many though not all of them Jews, who we can silence for the good of the community. I’m sure Hugo fits in that category fairly neatly.