A new prayer book just published encourages Catholic married couples to pray together before they do the nasty.
The Prayer Book for Spouses offers a prayer before sex that asks the Holy Spirit to “place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites … [and] loving physical union that welcomes” before asking to “clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, forever and ever. Mary, our mother, intercede for us. Amen.”
Other prayers in the 64-page book are for raising children and caring for sick or dying relatives.
But the book is not catching on very quickly. As of a week ago, St. Paul’s Publishing, which is handling the distribution of the book, had only sold 35 copies at $6.95 each.
As reported by ANI in London today, a Buddhist bank robber had his request for visiting rights for his cat denied by a court, despite his assertion that the feline is the reincarnation of his dead mother:
Peter Keonig, who follows the religion that believes people come back as other animals after death, was sent behind bars for five years for armed robberies in Germany.
The 46-year-old turned to court demanding his purring Gisela be permitted to see him in prison “because she is my dead mum”.
“I know it is mummy. She looks after me just the way she did,” the Telegraph quoted him as saying.
“I need to see her like other prisoners see their wives and children,” Keonig added.
But the court turned down his request saying: “While we respect the religious freedom of individuals, the accused has not been able to furnish proof that his deceased mother has been reborn in a cat.
“Therefore, the request for visiting rights for the feline is rejected.”
However, the court allowed Keonig to write to the cat.
At last, some good news on the American religious front. A new study shows 15 percent of Americans claim no religious affiliation. Only 10 percent of the 34 million people who are being called “Nones” say they don’t believe in God. Rather, they don’t believe in people who believe in God. To put it another way, they think what they think and don’t need a church full of loonies to tell them how to live.
In 1990, just 8 percent of the population claimed no affiliation with a religious denomination. In terms of education, income, and marital status, Nones are similar to the general population, though they are more likely to live in the Northeast or Pacific Northwest. In Vermont, they actually make up the largest single “denomination.” Nones are, on average, younger than the general population—a factor helping to make them the fastest-growing segment of the religious landscape.
Who could blame people for turning away from churches? In recent years, the scandals outnumber the success stories. From meth addict Ted Haggard to Tony Alamo and Warren Jeffs having sex with little girls to televangelists who rip off their flocks to fruitcakes like Fred Phelps whose views are incomprehensibly twisted…who needs it?
A recent national poll found that the proportion of Americans who believe that religion can “answer all or most of today’s problems” has fallen to 48 percent—an all-time low. Many believers, says religion writer Julia Duin, “are perplexed and disappointed with God.”
I don’t think it’s God’s fault that we’re acting out some very strange behavior. But I do think it’s a healthy sign that we’re beginning to pull away from all that.
“If current trends continue and cohorts of nonreligious young people replace older religious people,” the Trinity study states, “the likely outcome is that in two decades, the Nones could account for around one-quarter of the American population.” Nonreligious citizens tend to hold more liberal political and cultural views than regular churchgoers, suggesting that a continued decline in religious affiliation could be accompanied by a rise of liberalism.
As if the King James version of the Bible weren’t bad enough already, there’s a merry band of wingnuts at Conservapedia who think it’s way too liberal and needs a good rewritin’. So they are correcting the holy book along the following parameters:
As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, “gender inclusive” language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word “comrade” three times as often as “volunteer”; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as “word”, “peace”, and “miracle”.
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as “gamble” rather than “cast lots”;[5] using modern political terms, such as “register” rather than “enroll” for the census
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word “Lord” rather than “Jehovah” or “Yahweh” or “Lord God.”
Yeah, I know, kind of incoherent, ain’t it? I think these guys accepted the logic of hell when they wrote up their guidelines. I mean, when did the meanings of “word,” “peace” and “miracle” change? I don’t think I got that memo. And what does “thought-for-thought” translation mean?
And how did a “high word-to-substance ratio” become liberal? Haven’t they heard John Boehner speak lately?
So what is the result of this attempt to “translate” something that is already in English? Well these jarheads haven’t attacked the Old Testament yet, though they’ve been whooping up on the New testament at a fairly furious pace. Here’s some conservatized text from the Book of John:
“As it is written in the prophets, Behold, I send my messenger before thy face, which shall prepare thy way before thee,” becomes As the prophets wrote, Listen, “I send my messenger before you, who shall shall clear your way.”
“The voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight,” becomes The messenger preaches among skeptics, “Prepare for the way of the Lord and make straight His path.”
Here’s a good one — the description of John the Baptist: “And John was clothed with camel’s hair, and with a girdle of a skin about his loins; and he did eat locusts and wild honey,” is now John survived on bare necessities, wearing a camel’s hair habit with a leather belt; his food consisted of locusts and wild honey;
And because what could be more liberal than a ghost? “I indeed have baptized you with water: but he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost,” is rendered “I have baptized you with water, but He shall baptize you with the Divine Guide.” tentatively using “Divine Guide” per talk page.
Finally, it’s clear that what these guys really hate about the Bible is not its liberalness, but its poetry: “And immediately the Spirit driveth him into the wilderness,” thus becomes The Divine Guide then led Jesus into the desert.
Somehow “the Father, the Son and the Divine Guide” just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? I can’t wait to see what they do with the Song of Solomon.
Not that I care whether a bunch of conservatives with no imagination and too much time on their hands hacks the Holy Babble into pieces, but they should at least be intellectually honest about it. While they frame what they are doing as rigorous and scholarly, if they really wanted to do it correctly, they would go back to one of the original texts.
The King James version of the Bible is laden with all kinds of stuff and language that wasn’t in the original Greek, Latin and Hebrew texts. So changing “Holy Ghost” to “Divine Guide” doesn’t really accomplish much beyond taking some of the mumbo-jumbo away and turning a spirit into a kind of spiritual Boy Scout with a compass.
In a way I admire these guys for undertaking such a massive project, but as one who appreciates well-written fiction, I just hate to see the poetry of the King James Bible turned into the language of an annual report.
You say God’s omnipotent.
You say God’s omniscient.
But why believe in God,
You benighted sod,
When secular humanism’s sufficient?
Think you can do better? Doubtful, but there’s still time to get your entry in before midnight Oct. 1. (To read our previous coverage of the the Blasphemy Contest go here.)
Are there topics you shouldn’t be allowed to discuss? Some governments and institutions — and even some individuals — want to keep certain topics off limits, like health care, for instance.
This is especially true with religion. In many places, discussions and questions about religion are discouraged, even punished. But how can we come to our own conclusions about religion if we can’t freely examine and discuss it?
To encourage free expression and to celebrate Blasphemy Day 2009 (Sept. 30), the Center for Inquiry and its sister organization, the Council for Secular Humanism, are sponsoring a Blasphemy Contest.
Blasphemy: n. the act of denying or scoffing at God or God’s alleged attributes.
To enter, all you have to do is create a phrase, poem or statement that would be or would have been considered blasphemous. Entries may take any form (haiku anyone?), but must be 20 words or less. The top five winners will receive CFI T-shirts with their submission printed on the shirt.
In addition to the shirt, the first place winner will also receive a mug imprinted with the winning phrase, recognition in Free Inquiry magazine, general publicity, and, naturally, eternal damnation.
Video of the sermon delivered by Steven L. Anderson on August 17, the night before on of his parishioner took a loaded assault weapon to Pres. Obama’s town hall in Phoenix.
Look out, Ralph Reed. Your comeback is in jeopardy. There’s a new evangelical mudslinger in town, and he is younger and more in tune with today’s tea bagger, birther/deather Christianist movement than a inside-the-Beltway operative like you will ever be.
Last month, at a nighttime church service on the eve of a presidential town hall in Phoenix, Rev. Steven L. Anderson, of Tempe, Ariz., masterfully grabbed the attention of the media — and the Secret Service — by preaching a sermon he titled, “Why I Hate Barack Obama.”
During the sermon, Anderson asserted that the Bible makes it clear that it is okay to hate people, and that Obama deserved to die because he supported a woman’s right to choose. He also said, “When I go to bed tonight, Steven L. Anderson is going to pray for Barack Obama to die and go to hell. ”
The next day, one of Anderson’s benighted congregants appeared outside the presidential event carrying loaded weapons — an assault rifle and a pistol. When questioned by the media, the congregant, Chris Broughton, essentially said, Rev. Steven L. Anderson sent me.
Just two months ago, Reed, the former head of Christian Coalition, a Republican religious group that in the 1990s focused much of its attention and resources on Pres. Clinton’s sex life, announced a comeback. “This is not going to be your daddy’s Christian Coalition,” Reed said in July. “It has to be younger, hipper, less strident, more inclusive and it has to harness the 21st century that will enable us to win in the future.” He even compared his return to Steve Jobs’ return to Apple.
Reed is 48 — which, God knows, is still young by evangelicals’ standards — but he is tainted among the base by his involvement in Bush-era Beltway skullduggery and his long association with the likes of Karl Rove, Grover Norquist and Jack Abramoff, the disgraced Republican lobbyist.
Anderson is 28, and much closer to the current-day Christianist movement — and, as you will see, it has nothing to do with being “hipper, less strident [and] more inclusive” than the 1990s’ evangelical-political movement. Quite the opposite.
What sets Steven Anderson apart is that he has demonstrated nascent abilities in manipulate the media, albeit crudely. It’s likely he engineered Broughton’s appearance at the town hall — there’s a bit of wink-wink at the end of the sermon when he says he’s “not a protest guy.” And there are instances during his preaching when he is deliberately provocative, mugging for the camera and boldly putting his offensive rhetoric on the record. Note the practiced phrasing here: “When I go to bed tonight, Steven L. Anderson is going to pray for Barack Obama to die and go to hell.”
From his point of view, being arrested or at least questioned by the authorities would be a terrific career move. It would give him instant cred in Tea Bag Land and on hate radio.
Anderson recently engaged in another attention-grabbing incident last spring. After an altercation with the U.S. Border Patrol, he pt himself in front of a video camera — his face blotched with scars and abrasions — and told a tale about having been tasered because he refused to allow a search of his car. Not because he had anything to hide, he says, but because he stood on his Fourth Amendment right that protected him from unwarranted searches.
Anderson also advocates the death penalty for, as he says, “homosexuals, sodomites and queers,” of course. You can listen to more of his views on that subject, and read a transcript, here.
About two weeks after Anderson’s sermon, the Secret Service confirmed it was following up on Anderson’s statements, and that it was looking into Chris Broughton’s carrying a loaded rifle to a presidential event. The Southern Poverty Law Center, which monitors hate groups nationwide, is considering putting Anderson’s church on its watch list.
On Sunday, about 100 people organized by a group calling itself People Against Clergy Who Preach Hate protested outside the strip mall where Anderson was preaching — which of course brings more publicity to his hateful views.
Last year, the right-wing base gave us Sarah Palin and Joe “the Plumber” Wurzelbacher. This year, the Tea Baggers, Birthers and Deathers have bubbled up from the depths of the right’s cultural sewer. Now we have Steven L. Anderson, who melds it all together. He has both the charisma, for lack of a better word, and meager intellectual gifts of Palin and Wurzelbacher — and the incoherent, right-wing-talking-points-laden, spittle-spewing rage of the Tea Baggers and their cohorts.
That’s why it’s someone like Anderson, who wallows in bigotry and hatred while inviting his racist, fear-addicted followers to join him — not Ralph Reed, who aspires for inclusiveness — who embodies the zeitgeist of the American theocratic movement today. Anderson should be on everyone’s list of rising stars in politics for 2010 and beyond.
Highlights of the Aug. 17 Sermon
A more complete transcript of the video of Anderson’s August 17 sermon (posted at the top) follows, but the sermon is a long hard slog — bleak, violent and packed with lies and right-wing propaganda — so here are the highlights:
Anderson says, “I HATE Barack Obama. No, you’re saying you don’t like what he stands for. NO, I hate the person. No, you mean you just don’t like his color. NO, I hate HIM!”
Obama deserves to die because he voted against a ban on a partial-birth abortions when he was in the Illinois Senate. Anderson says, “‘Abort Obama’ ought to be the motto.”
God appointed Obama to be president “to destroy this country for [its] wickedness.”
Anderson says that, if forced to offer a more “positive” prayer for the president, he would use a verse from Psalms. “If somebody can twist my arm behind my back and tell me to pray for Barack Obama,” Anderson says, “this is what I’m going to pray, because this is the only prayer that applies to him: “Break his teeth, oh God, in his mouth.”
Obama is in the same league as Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy
Anderson knows how to segue between hellfire and brimstone and Republican politics: “Hey!” he shouts. “This isn’t to tickle your ears, it’s to give you a swift kick in the pants tonight. Because that’s what you need every once in a while. You need to come to church and get a boot in your rear end. And that’s what this sermon is. Because we don’t need to constantly just have this, “Oh, it’s great, it’s wonderful.” OH GOD! Are we going to survive?! OH GOD! Are you going to give us freedom or are you going to allow us to go into the depths of socialism and communism with Barack Obama?!”
Anderson disparages Obama for not being saved as child and exposes himself as a top-level birther and a racist (which is not imply there is a difference between the two): ” Now when little Barry Monsanto — what was his name? Barry Santorum. That’s what his name used to be before he put on his cool name, “Barack Obama.” Barry Santor…? What is it? Barry Santoro — that’s the name he was blotted out. When little Barry was playing baseball as a kid in Kenya, where he was born or whatever. And he’s using a stick and a mango or something — I don’t know. [Laughter.] I’m just trying to paint the image for you. Little Barry is over there playing stick ball in Africa. Hey, God loved him. God wanted him saved. Who knows? Maybe even some missionary came to his house when he was a child and gave him the gospel and tried to get him saved. Very likely. There are a lot of missionaries in Africa. Who knows? But I’ll promise you one thing — that Jesus died for him, that God gave him opportunities to be saved, that he had opportunities to hear — because God never turns anybody over to a reprobate life until they’ve had ample opportunities to hear the gospel…”
When Anderson asks his congregation if they know what the word “lewd” means, only one person apparently knows the answer, and it’s unclear from the recording whether that answer was correct.
Anderson also seems to have very leftist views on war: “It’s not just the abortion. You know, it’s all the warfare too that our country has no business being involved in. That kills innocent people. You can say whatever you want. “Oh, you’re un-American.” Okay, Sean Hannity, I’m sick of you. You don’t even believe in Jesus Christ. Don’t call me un-American when I say that our country needs to quit trying to police the world. [VOICE: That’s right.] Killing a bunch of innocent people around the world. There are over 1 million people dead in Iraq. Why? To advance the causes of people who love money. The military-industrial complex. That want to … sacrifice the lives of our young boys for their own financial interests.”
Anderson also hates George W. Bush: “Most of this, everything I’m saying pretty much applies to George W. Bush, too. So just deal with that. That’s. He never did one thing — what did he ever do to stop abortion. What did he ever to do to stop the queers from taking over. He was promoting it. He hired more sodomites than any other president in the history of the United States. He spent more money than any president in the history of the United States. He was a socialist. Period.”
But he’s not above lying to make a point. Federal funding of abortion has been illegal since the Hyde Amendment passed in the 1970s, but Anderson, but that’s not what Anderson tells his ignorant flock: “It would be one thing if abortion were just legal. No. It’s sanctioned with government dollars. It’s paid for by your tax dollars. You are forced to pay for abortions, if you work in the United States of America. It’s taken out of your check, and it’s going to abortions. Believe it or not, it’s true.”
He knows he’ll be called un-American (but not un-Christian?), and he is against health care: “I’m not the traitor tonight. [They] may call Steven Anderson a traitor. [They] will say, “Oh yeah, you’re a traitor. You’re un-American.” I’m American from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Hey, I believe in this country. I believe in the way it was founded — the principles of liberty and justice — not health care for all.”
And, finally, about protesting at the town hall the next day, Anderson says, “If I went there, I’d be there to say, “Down with Obama.” You know, I’d be down there protesting Obama, that’s all. But I’m not a protest kind of a guy. I’m a preacher, so I’m preaching to you what the Bible says.”
Partial Transcript:
These excerpts focus mostly on Anderson’s comments about the president:
[12:56] Now tonight I want to preach this sermon. Now you probably never heard a sermon like this before. Actually, you probably have if you’ve been coming to church here for a while. [Laughter.] Here’s my sermon, “Why I Hate Barack Obama.” That’s my sermon. Because, you know, Barack Obama’s coming to town tomorrow morning. Barack Obama is coming town — and he’s going to be here to… Who knew that he’s coming? [Asks for show of hands.] I didn’t know. I just found out recently. You know with his health care and everything like this.
You know. I’m going to tell you something, I HATE Barack Obama. [Cross-talk. MAN in crowd: Amen.] No, you’re saying, you don’t like what he stands for. NO, I hate the person. [VOICES: Amen.] No, you mean you just don’t like his color. NO, I hate HIM!
Now I’m going to prove this from the Bible tonight why I hate him. Why God wants me to hate Barack Obama. God hates Barack Obama…
[21:35] …When he was in Chicago, in the state senate, he voted — everyone else voted that if a botched abortion actually lives and survives that they would care for that child and give it medical treatment and care to keep it in life. And yet Barack Obama said, “Nope. Let it die.” About a newborn baby.
And yet I’m told by the preachers of 2009, “Love Barack Obama.” Unbelievable. Love him. Pray for him. And we’re going to get to that a little later on. Respect him. Obey him. I mean I — you know, I guess they want me to put a bumpersticker on the back of my car, “Obey Obama.” You know. That’s my new slogan. That’s my motto. Obey, love and respect and pray for him. God ordained him. God appointed him.
Yeah, God appointed him to destroy this country for the wickedness of the United States of America. God appointed him because that’s what our country has turned into. That’s who we deserve as a president. But let me tell you something. I don’t love Barack Obama. I don’t respect Barack Obama. I don’t obey Barack Obama. And I’d like to see Barack Obama melt like a snail tonight.
Because he needs to recompense — he needs to reap what he’s sown. You see, any Christian will tell you that a person who commits murder should get the death penality. Because that’s what it says in Genesis, chapter 9… And when Barack Obama’s going to push his partial birth abortion, his salty saline solution abortion — he deserves to be punished for what he’s done and I’m not going to pray for God to bless Barack Obama. This is my prayer tonight to Barack Obama. [VOICES: Amen.]…
[24:14] I also like to take some of these prayers [from the Pslams, a book in the Bible] and make them my prayer. Now look, if somebody wants me — if somebody can twist my arm behind my back and tell me to pray for Barack Obama, this is what I’m going to pray, because this is the only prayer that applies to him: “Break his teeth, oh God, in his mouth. You know. As a snail would melt it, let him pass away, like the untimely birth of a woman.” He thinks — he calls it a woman’s right to choose. He thinks it’s so wonderful — it ought to be — he ought to be aborted. It ought to be “abort Obama” — ought to be the motto.
Look at this. Look at chapter 59. And look. Don’t get uncomfortable. I’m just preaching God’s word…
[24:54] “Deliver me from the workers of iniquity, and save me from bloody men. People who are bloody and violent are evil people. I mean, do you love Adloph Hitler? Do you love Josef Stalin? Do you love Mao Tse-Tung? Do you love these evil, sadistic butchers of history?
No! If you were to meet Jeffrey Dahmer in real life. If you were to meet John Wayne Gacy. Or if Adolph Hitler could come back from the dead and be in church, I’m sure you’d go shake his hand and tell him, “It’s good to have you here.”
No – the Bible says in Josea 9:14, “Throw them out of the congregation of the Lord. I will love them no more. Violent, bloody, wicked people. He’s saying, “Get ’em away from me.”
Look at verse 5. “Now therefore, Lord God of hosts, the God of Israel, away to visit all the heathen. Be not merciful to any wicked transgressors.” This is David praying to God. And so this is not something I made up. This is God’s word.
Look at Pslam 139, verse 19 … You say, why are you preaching this? You know what? Because it makes me mad. I’m mad. I don’t know about you, but I’m fed up tonight. I’m angry tonight. Because I’m angered by a bunch of preachers who want to sit back and let America go to hell. Let our freedoms go to hell. Let the souls of America go to hell. And we all just sit back, and we’re comfortable. We’re lazy. We’re lukewarm. We’re neither cold nor hot, and we want to come to church and have our ears tickled…
[27:02] Hey! This isn’t to tickle your ears, it’s to give you a swift kick in the pants tonight. Because that’s what you need every once in a while. You need to come to church and get a boot in your rear end. And that’s what this sermon is. Because we don’t need to constantly just have this, “Oh, it’s great, it’s wonderful.” OH GOD! Are we going to survive?! OH GOD! Are you going to give us freedom or are you going to allow us to go into the depths of socialism and communism with Barack Obama?!…
[28:10] If you think God’s in control of this country, you’re insane. A MAD MAN is in control of this country. Wicked, evil people who are motivated by the love of money are the ones who are controllling our country…
I’m here to tell you tonight that God is a God of wrath and vengeance. That’s the message that ought to be thundering from every pulpit in America today. People ought to be trembling today. People in America ought to be scared to death and trembling, saying, “Oh God, what are you going to do to our country?!…
[28:27] The devil is the God of this world, according to my Bible. The devil is the God of this world, and the devil is putting spiritual wickedness in high places, the Bible says. We wrestle not aagainst flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers against the rulers of the darkness of this world.
And let me name one for you. Barack Obama is one of the rulers of the darkness of this world.
Here Anderson becomes deceitful with his congregants about abortion funding.
[56:33] It would be one thing if abortion were just legal. No. It’s sanctioned with government dollars. It’s paid for by your tax dollars. You are forced to pay for abortions, if you work in the United States of America. It’s taken out of your check, and it’s going to abortions. Believe it or not, it’s true.
In fact, it is not true. The Hyde Amendment (named for Rep. Henry Hyde, the right-wing Christian zealot and adulterer who led the House’s impeachment of Pres. Clinton) made it illegal for tax-dollars to be spent on abortions.
[57:25] And here’s they said to [Jesus], “Oh, it’s treachery. You traitor. You’re un-American.” I’m not the traitor tonight. [They] may call Steven Anderson a traitor. [They] will say, “Oh yeah, you’re a traitor. You’re un-American.” I’m American from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Hey, I believe in this country. I believe in the way it was founded — the principles of liberty and justice — not health care for all.
I know you might have read it in a while. It doesn’t say “Food, clothing, jobs, green energy and health-care for all.” NO. It says, “Life, liberty and justice for all.” Justice for all. Justice for everyone. “We hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men are created equal and are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights. Among these are life — and guess what, God created every baby, and it has a right to life.
[1:04:29] But today, there is spiritual wickedness in high place. Now, I’m preaching against Barack Obama. It’s not all him. But he is the tip of the sword. He is the figurehead of spiritual wickedness in high places. And he’s coming to Arizona tomorrow. Don’t go there and scream [garbled]. I know you were planning on it. [Laughs.] Don’t go there and get a tear in the eye. No, go to the prayer closet and get a tear in the eye for our country… If I went there, I’d be there to say, “Down with Obama.” You know, I’d be down there protesting Obama, that’s all. But I’m not a protest kind of a guy. I’m a preacher, so I’m preaching to you what the Bible says…
Now, dear reader, you probably want to take a bath.
As they are being drawn up into the bosom of the Lord at the time of the Rapture, what do you think will go through the mind of Christians?
How will I locate my wife on Heaven’s alabaster avenues?
Did I turn off the coffee pot?
Oh no! What will happen to Rover and Fluffy??!!
Well, worry no more, Christians! There is help for your pets after the Rapture in the form of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA:
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life.
It’s relatively inexpensive ($115 per first animal, $15 for each additional pet), but it’s only good if the Rapture occurs within 10 years.
The service is not available in Florida yet, and I admit I was tempted to take out a franchise. But then, when I thought about it, I decided my post-Rapture time would probably be better spent girding my loins for Armageddon.
And I’m not talking about quoting from the Sermon on the Mount in the Bible, but a passage from a “silent dialogue” with God’s son yesterday. In a press release distributed on PRWeb yesterday, an outfit called ACIMI — A Course In Miracles Inc. — Jesus is quoted from an alleged “interview” conducted by Clare Lamanna, who teaches the Course of Miracles.
However, there must have been a breakdown of the Transubstantiational Translator because Jesus’ ancient Hebrew got turned into spiritual gibberish. And while it does follow in the semi-Socratic style Jesus often employed in the Bible, He seems to have developed a habit of referring to Himself in the Third Person. But it must be Jesus. After all, it’s in quote marks:
“What does this mean for you? It means that in remembering Jesus you are remembering God. The whole relationship of the Son to the Father lies in him. His part in the Sonship is also yours, and his completed learning guarantees your own success. Is he still available for help? What did he say about this? Remember his promises, and ask yourself honestly whether it is likely that he will fail to keep them. Can God fail His Son? And can one who is one with God be unlike Him? Who transcends the body has transcended limitation. Would the greatest teacher be unavailable to those who follow him?”
GOP operative Ralph Reed, the former executive director of the Christian Coalition, a Clinton-era political group that lost its tax-exempt status for publishing Republican-only voter guides for distribution in churches, is staging a comeback. He has launched a new group he is calling the Faith and Freedom Coalition:
“Even though I’ve been doing other things, this is kind of like Steve Jobs returning to Apple,” Reed said.
“This is not going to be your daddy’s Christian Coalition,” Reed said… “It has to be younger, hipper, less strident, more inclusive and it has to harness the 21st century that will enable us to win in the future.”
And: “Even though I’ve been doing other things, this is kind of like Steve Jobs returning to Apple,” Reed said.
By “other things,” Reed means resigning in disgrace from the first Christian Coalition, staving off charges of receiving millions of dollars that convicted GOP lobbyist/con man Jack Abramoff bilked from Native Americans and failing in his bid to win the GOP nomination for lieutenant governor of Georgia. More about all that to follow.
What’s new, young and hip about Reed’s Christianist 2.0 organization? It will use the Internet, not a printing press, to spread its moralizing propaganda:
Attracting younger voters and activists, Reed knows, takes a robust Web-based campaign that uses the new gadgets and social networks that dominate young people’s lives.
(Notice how the group’s younger, hipper website has a look and feel similar to the Obama campaign’s.)
From Trump’s “stolen election” lies, we can’t get no relief,
He carps on about stolen votes, but he never names the thief.
Somebody needs to tell this guy
Americans aren’t buying his lies,
And that he’s turned us into the United States of Disbelief.
“If you are committing fraud against the American people, all of us in public leadership should be trying to stop it and throw you in prison for enriching yourself off the American taxpayer.”
“We are done, Americans are done with endless conflict in the Middle East, spending trillions of dollars, American lives… this is insane and we have to call it for what it is.”
“The U.S. State Department announced on Monday that it has revoked more than 175,000 visas during President Donald Trump’s administration so far,” Fox News reports.
President Donald Trump is asking for $1,500,000 million for the military for next year. That’s close to $600 billion (adjusted for inflation) more than we were spending on the military in fiscal year 2025, before Trump took office, Alternet reports. This increase is huge by any measure. It comes to around $4,600 per household. It is around 8% of the total budget.
A new Emerson College survey of likely 2026 voters finds the Democrats with an 11-point advantage over the Republicans on the generic congressional ballot, leading 53% to 42%. President Trump holds a 39% job approval rating, consistent with the past two months, whereas his disapproval increased another point, to 57%.
A new American Research Group poll finds just 30% of Americans say they approve of the way Donald Trump is handling his job as president and 67% say they disapprove.
Wall Street Journal: “Around 40% of voters in the 2024 election said the economy was their top issue, far outstripping any other matter. And those voters favored Donald Trump by 60% to 38%. Many say they were moved by his pledges to tame inflation, rebuild U.S. infrastructure, cut red tape and trim government waste. … About a year and a half later, more voters disapprove of Trump’s handling of the economy than approve, 61% to 35%, an average of polls by the Cook Political Report found this month.”
