Undead Democracy
Mike Johnson and John Thune maintain they are blameless,
Even though the House and Senate seem equally aimless.
The president’s a pill,
So they can’t pass a bill,
And that’s how we ended up with our do-nothing zombie Congress.
Trump’s Tree Legacy
After Trump’s gone, how best to erase the legacy
Of all the stupid things he’s done to Washington, D.C.?
For one, every re-elected president,
Or newly elected White House resident,
Should cross to Lafayette Park and plant another maple tree.
Regrettably Unforgettable
When you’re Trump The Imperial President, you do what you please,
Ballrooms, arches, reflecting pools — they’re your D.C. legacies.
Now he’s trained his sights on Lafayette Square,
And he’s sneaking in some more legacy there,
Where the 47th president plans to plant 47 symbolic maple trees.
Our Fascist Idiocracy: All the Times Trump Declared ‘Mission Accomplished’ in Iran – So Far
March 7, 2026: Trump framed the newly started conflict as a “minor excursion” that would wrap up rapidly.
March 9, 2026: One week into the air campaign, Trump told Time magazine, “I think the war is very complete, pretty much.” On the same day, he paradoxically told Republican lawmakers, “We’ve already won in many ways, but we haven’t won enough.”
March 11, 2026: Trump claimed that the U.S. had conceptually won the war in the “first hour,” but followed up by saying, “We’ve got to finish the job.”
March 12, 2026: Following heavy U.S.-Israeli airstrikes, Trump insisted the war was virtually over because there was “nothing left to target.”
Semiquincentennial Hell
The retooling of Trump’s Freedom 250, where will it end?
The has-beens set to play decided they’d rather not attend.
How best to celebrate our 250-year-old democracy,
As it’s being replaced by a Christo-fascist autocracy?
How about the national anthem as sung by Kash Patel’s girlfriend.
