Buck Banks, Author at Pensito

Half of Americans Don’t Know Why We Celebrate the Fourth of July

July 6, 2026 Buck Banks

53%

A new Cato Institute poll found that only 53% of Americans could correctly identify the adoption of the Declaration of Independence as the historical event marked by July 4. And 46% said they did not know what the day commemorated, including 61% of Gen Z respondents.

Lauren “Handjob” Boebert Shows Empathy for Tom Kean

July 1, 2026 Buck Banks

“I think it’s embarrassing, still, even more so. I mean, sure, like, take care of yourself, get healthy, but who gets to take four months off of work because they’re sad?”

— Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) called Rep. Tom Kean Jr’s (R-NJ) explanation on Tuesday for his prolonged absence from Congress “embarrassing” in an interview with TMZ, Mediaite reports.

Trump Raking in the Dough on Foreign Real Estate Deals

July 1, 2026 Buck Banks

$26 million

“President Donald Trump said he had earned at least $26 million in income from an array of new real estate ventures abroad, illustrating how his fortune has grown as his family embraces foreign deal-making in his second term,” Bloomberg reports.

Trump’s Tree Legacy

June 30, 2026July 22, 2026 Buck Banks

After Trump’s gone, how best to erase the legacy
Of all the stupid things he’s done to Washington, D.C.?
For one, every re-elected president,
Or newly elected White House resident,
Should cross to Lafayette Park and plant another maple tree.

Regrettably Unforgettable

June 29, 2026 Buck Banks

When you’re Trump The Imperial President, you do what you please,
Ballrooms, arches, reflecting pools — they’re your D.C. legacies.
Now he’s trained his sights on Lafayette Square,
And he’s sneaking in some more legacy there,
Where the 47th president plans to plant 47 symbolic maple trees.

Semiquincentennial Hell

June 26, 2026July 22, 2026 Buck Banks

The retooling of Trump’s Freedom 250, where will it end?
The has-beens set to play decided they’d rather not attend.
How best to celebrate our 250-year-old democracy,
As it’s being replaced by a Christo-fascist autocracy?
How about the national anthem as sung by Kash Patel’s girlfriend.

Greenland Plan Saves Brand

June 24, 2026July 13, 2026 Buck Banks

When Trump speaks of Greenland, he sounds like a mobster,
He just wants all their resources so his mob can prosper.
But appointee Dan Stans has another plan —
We get all their seafood when we take Greenland,
Then we revive “Endless Shrimp” and save the treasured Red Lobster.

Was that ‘Progress’ or ‘Egress?’

June 22, 2026 Buck Banks

“We’ve already made great progress over just the last few hours. I expect that we will make additional progress in the hours to come.”

— Vice President JD Vance, quoted by NOTUS, even though Iranian negotiators walked out of their meeting with the U.S.

Obama Says U.S. Worse Off After Iran War

June 20, 2026 Buck Banks

“We’ve now fought a war, spent billions and billions of dollars, you know, put enormous strain on our military. A lot of people have died. And it feels like we’re back where we were before we started the war, except maybe a little bit worse off.”

— “Former President Barack Obama said it seems like the United States has either returned to the status quo or is ‘worse off’ now than before President Donald Trump launched the war on Iran in February,” NBC News reports.

A Four-Score Bore

June 19, 2026July 12, 2026 Buck Banks

Since 1984 Donald Trump has been known as a “short-fingered vulgarian,”
And he’s proven himself to be a comically cantankerous contrarian.
Last week he turned eighty,
And we all paid for his party,
So now he’s just a fat, old, cranky, sleepy, short-fingered octogenarian.

Author: Buck Banks

Half of Americans Don’t Know Why We Celebrate the Fourth of July

53%

A new Cato Institute poll found that only 53% of Americans could correctly identify the adoption of the Declaration of Independence as the historical event marked by July 4. And 46% said they did not know what the day commemorated, including 61% of Gen Z respondents.

Lauren “Handjob” Boebert Shows Empathy for Tom Kean

“I think it’s embarrassing, still, even more so. I mean, sure, like, take care of yourself, get healthy, but who gets to take four months off of work because they’re sad?”

— Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) called Rep. Tom Kean Jr’s (R-NJ) explanation on Tuesday for his prolonged absence from Congress “embarrassing” in an interview with TMZ, Mediaite reports.

Trump Raking in the Dough on Foreign Real Estate Deals

$26 million

“President Donald Trump said he had earned at least $26 million in income from an array of new real estate ventures abroad, illustrating how his fortune has grown as his family embraces foreign deal-making in his second term,” Bloomberg reports.

Trump’s Tree Legacy

Regrettably Unforgettable

Semiquincentennial Hell

Greenland Plan Saves Brand

Was that ‘Progress’ or ‘Egress?’

“We’ve already made great progress over just the last few hours. I expect that we will make additional progress in the hours to come.”

— Vice President JD Vance, quoted by NOTUS, even though Iranian negotiators walked out of their meeting with the U.S.

Obama Says U.S. Worse Off After Iran War

“We’ve now fought a war, spent billions and billions of dollars, you know, put enormous strain on our military. A lot of people have died. And it feels like we’re back where we were before we started the war, except maybe a little bit worse off.”

— “Former President Barack Obama said it seems like the United States has either returned to the status quo or is ‘worse off’ now than before President Donald Trump launched the war on Iran in February,” NBC News reports.

A Four-Score Bore

Poetic Justice

Verbatim

“One woman at a rally in New Jersey told me last week that she was ‘nauseously optimistic.’ That may capture a lot of people’s last-minute jitters.”

— Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD), quoted by Axios, on what Democrats feel ahead of the midterm elections.

“I think Congress made a mistake not protesting turning the Rose Garden into what looks like the entrance to Liberace’s bathroom.”

— Former President Bill Clinton, quoted by The Wrap.

“Boy, they are scraping the bottom of the barrel. It feels like a real desperation play to me, because it has got zero basis in the law.”

— Republican election law expert Ben Ginsberg, quoted by Politico, on the Trump administration’s effort to invalidate Alaska’s election results.

Numerati

3,824

$1.4 billion

-35 points

31%

63% to 38%

KFF Poll: “With the 2026 midterm campaigns in full swing and early voting about to begin, there is a wide enthusiasm gap between partisan voters, with Democratic voters 25 percentage points more likely than Republican voters to say they are ‘more motivated’ than usual to vote (63% vs. 38%).”