Denver Post:

A man who narrates Christian CDs has been arrested on suspicion of using the Internet to arrange sex with a teenage girl.

Juan Alberto Ovalle, 42, thought he was corresponding with a girl under the age of 15, but instead it was undercover officers with the Jefferson County district attorney’s office, according to court documents.

Ovalle works for a Spanish-speaking arm of the Colorado Springs Christian group Focus on the Family and narrates Biblical text for CDs, according to Internet websites that sell the products.

“We’re shocked,” said Gary Schneeberger, a spokesman with Focus.

Schneeberger said the group “is beginning its own process of looking into the allegations” and that it “will work with authorities” if asked.

“If I knew that would be the result, I would’ve thought about the taxes earlier.”

— New York Gov. David Paterson, commenting on Rush Limbaugh’s announcement that he was selling his New York home and moving to Florida full-time to escape rising New York taxes.

“What an honor. Folks, is there any other private citizen, any other — who is not a criminal; you know, who is an upstanding citizen, a man for the ages. Is there any other governor who has ever excitedly said, ‘If I would have known he was leaving the state, I would have raised taxes sooner, or what have you?”

— Rush Limbaugh, reacting to Gov. Paterson’s quip and apparently forgetting his own drug addiction, past criminal charges of prescription fraud, aka, “doctor shopping,” and customs violations

“It’s a shame, really. Here’s a fellow who has had a serious pill-popping problem. Now he’s waving New York goodbye just when it is easing its drug laws. The timing could not be more unfortunate.”

— The New York Times’ Clyde Haberman, remembering better than Limbaugh

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist and Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp (far right) giggle as they vandalize a car during their 2006 campaign

Two headlines greeted Floridians this morning. First was “Budget Cuts End Florida Panther Tracking Program.” The other was “Records Don’t Support Florida Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp’s Reason for Using Plane.”

Charlie Crist’s running mate has been in hot water for months for using state planes the way most of us use our cars: for personal jaunts of every type, commuting to and from work, and lots of road trips, or in this case, air trips with his wife. One estimate of the tab so far is an amazing $700,000.

Kottkamp, a former state representative, defends the back and forths from his second home in the state capital, Tallahassee, to his first home in Fort Myers (about 400 miles one-way) by saying they, “help us stay in touch better with the people we represent.” But Kottkamp seems to forget that he represents all Floridians now, not just the ones back in his home district. And he can represent me just fine by staying in Tallahassee.

The lieutenant governor gives varying explanations for the most questionable trips, including one he and his wife took to St. Augustine, the nation’s oldest city and a popular tourist destination. Kottkamp claimed it had something to do with the Small Business Association but a newspaper investigation turned up nothing of the kind.

[…]

The latest installment of “As Wasilla Turns” will open on Monday, when Tyra Banks’ interview with Levi Johnston, the estranged babydaddy of Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, airs on Tyra’s syndicated talk show.

The bombshell from the show is that Levi claims that Palin, who preaches that abstinence is the only acceptable form of birth control for teenagers, knew that he and Bristol, then 16 years old, were sleeping in the same bed before she got pregnant:

The 18-year-old recently sat down with the talk-show host to discuss his relationship with Palin, who gave birth to their child last December, and claimed that the duo practiced safe sex while together. Their child, he said, must have come from a “wardrobe malfunction.” (Enter collective eye roll.)

No dummy, Banks pressed him further and got Mr. Johnston, who has since broken up with his longtime love, to admit that he and Bristol “sometimes” didn’t practice safe sex. He also admitted that Bristol’s mother, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, probably knew the teens were sexually active, because they slept in the same bed and, besides, “Moms are pretty smart.” Indeed.

There is reason to quibble over the word “smart” in this context.

Levi’s mother Sherry and his sister Mercede also appear on the show:

Levi’s family also revealed to Tyra that they were under a gag order during the whole campaign.

His mom Sherry said: “When you talk to media you say something and they have a twist to make it sound like something totally different.”

Mercede adds: “We were supposed to say that all questions need be brought up to the McCain campaign. Other than that we had to say no comment.”

No word on whether Tyra will ask Sherry Johnston about her arrest in December on charges that she illegally distributed Oxycontin, Rush Limbaugh’s narcotic of choice.

Oil oozes from the single-hulled Exxon Valdez in 1989

Poor Exxon. The biggest profits in the history of the world must, unfortunately, not be enough to cover the cost of using tankers that virtually eliminate oil spills. And of course Exxon, which was responsible for the country’s largest oil spill, is all about avoiding them in the future. Or not.

On March 24, 1989 — 20 years ago exactly — the Exxon tanker Valdez dumped 11 million gallons of oil into Prince William Sound and along 700 miles of its coast, killing tens of thousands of marine animals and birds, and mostly wiping out the sound’s then-thriving commercial fishing industry.

The company got off light, by filing endless appeals to its award of punitive damages (the type of damages intended to teach a lesson, as opposed to compensatory damages which should only repay financial costs), and by throwing the ship’s captain, a recovering alcoholic, under the bus.

On June 25, 2008, the U.S. Supreme Court rendered an opinion permitting the assessment of punitive damages…However, the Court held that the punitive damages award against Exxon was excessive and should be limited to $507.5 million, an amount equal to the trial court’s calculation of appropriate compensatory damages.

While $507.5 million sounds like a lot to you and me, for Exxon, it’s just an oil drop in the bucket. Recall that this company’s earnings in 2007, when gas hit $4 per gallon, was $40.6 billion. That record was broken last year, when Exxon posted $45.2 billion for 2008.

So you’d think they could afford to join almost every other oil refiner in using double-hull tankers. You’d be wrong.

[…]

The American public understands something must be askew if every single Republican votes against something.

— Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA), when asked by reporters why Republicans have said “no” to nearly everything the Democrats have proposed.

Yesterday, in excoriating British Prime Minister Gordon Brown for expressing support and admiration for Pres. Obama at a news conference during the G-20 summit, Rush Limbaugh made yet another reference to sodomy:

LIMBAUGH: “So here is a full-fledged, committed global socialist praising the president of the United States for all of his achievements in the first 70 days — a global socialist happy with the changes Obama has made, and ‘you have changed America’s relationship with the world,’ which is why all of the losers that make up the protesters are breaking bank windows,” Limbaugh said. “But the slobbering, the slobbering – this guy, folks I’m telling you – if he keeps this up throughout the G20, Gordon Brown will come down with anal poisoning and may die from it.”

Of course, there is no such thing as “anal poisoning,” but the formulation suggests Limbaugh is using the phrase as a slightly more politically correct way of saying Brown will be infected with HIV, contract AIDS and die.

And this is not the first time Limbaugh has suggested that the friendship of two politicians was more than an innocent bromance. In February 2008, he used the same phrase to describe the friendship of Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), who is 54 and has never been married, and Sen. John McCain:

Limbaugh was ranting against Sen. John McCain on his radio show this week when a caller asked whether he thought McCain would pick Sen. Lindsey Graham as his running mate. Limbaugh doubted it, though he admitted: “I may be wrong … Lindsey Graham is certainly close enough to [McCain] to die of anal poisoning.”

Over the last year, Limbaugh has made at least three other references to anal sex during his radio propaganda rantfest:

[…]

“In other news, Michelle Obama is criticized because she has great arms, is beloved, and touched the Queen.”

— The Political Carnival

The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention are tackling the Dakota floods head-on. It has issued a new public service announcement script addressing one of the most pressing needs in the flood-ravaged region — trench foot. Ew!

At a time when people are losing homes, cars and property, the CDC is concerned about them losing homes, cars and property and developing trench foot. Here’s the radio script:

Preventing Trench Foot or Immersion Foot

This is an important message from the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services. Trench Foot occurs when feet are wet for long periods of time. Trench foot causes feet to hurt, swell and feel heavy. Protect your feet — clean and dry your feet; wear clean, dry socks and soak affected feet in warm water for five minutes. Elevate bare feet when sleeping. Seek medical attention right away if you suspect someone has trench foot (emphasis added). To learn more, call 1-800-CDC-INFO.

So now, on top of all the other troubles in the Dakotas, suspicion of trench foot is turning neighbor against neighbor, friend against friend and family members against family members. Not only that, but already overworked emergency rooms now are overflowing with Dakotans, complying with CDC’s suggestion, who are seeking medical attention simply because they suspect that someone has trench foot.

Thanks, CDC!

For evidence the GOP is DOA, look no further than the release today — April 1 — of their “alternative budget.”

“If you expected a GOP alternative to the failed policies of the past that got our country into the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, then I have two words for you: April Fool’s,” said Kenneth Baer, OMB communications director…

Meanwhile, Austan Goolsbee, an economic adviser to the president and increasingly active administration spokesman, told MSNBC: “Well, look, I thought it was most appropriate that this thing came out on April Fools’ Day because this thing is the biggest April Fools’ Joke and cruelest that we have had in years…”

What were these people thinking? Like they couldn’t have waited a day, or moved it up a little? It never occurred to them that April 1 could lend itself to April Fools jokes?

The Republicans have had more missteps lately than a man who just shot himself in the foot, which they basically did after they chose Michael Steele as the Republican answer to Barack Obama and elevated Rush Limbaugh, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, and John McCain to be the voices of attack.

How can anyone still claim that this party stands for something grounded or effective? All they have, so to speak, are tales told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.