Florida’s gain, America’s loss?

That whooshing sound the rest of the country is hearing is the collective sigh of relief from Florida, upon receiving the joyous news that Jeb Bush will not be running for the Senate in 2010.

According to self-proclaimed insiders, Jeb did a mental calculus and decided not to try to succeed one-term Sen. Mel Martinez because a) his family needs him too much, b) he enjoys being the decider, not a team player, and c) he’s making crazy money in the private sector.

The mere idea that Jeb might throw his hat in the ring “froze the field” on both sides, according to former House Speaker Marco Rubio, who was and is thinking of vying for the office himself.

Such speculation also fueled a round of Jeb-Love, starting with the arrogant asshole’s father, George H.W., who thinks his son is suited to the family calling. No, I’m not talking about screwing things up, I’m talking about the Bushes’ other calling — being president.

Why everyone thinks Jeb is the smart one or the capable one is beyond me. Let’s take a look at Jeb’s illustrious life.

• Family: Wife Columba was fined by U.S. Customs when she attempted to smuggle $19,000 in clothing and jewelry purchased in Paris; daughter Noelle was arrested for forging prescriptions for Xanax and while serving court-appointed rehab was discovered with cocaine; son George P. broke into his ex-girlfriend’s house in the wee hours and after arguing with her father (who called police), returned 20 minutes later and tore doughnuts in their front lawn with his Ford Explorer; and son Jeb Jr. and an unknown female were discovered by police in the parking lot of a Tallahassee mall having sex in the back seat of his Jeep Cherokee. Like former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, Junior had removed his pants but continued to wear his socks.

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