Day: September 17, 2008

Holy Crap! Three-Ply Toilet Paper!

Buck Banks

Trish won’t let me create any new categories, but if she did, I’d make one for Water Closet Innovations. The latest was reported Tuesday by that venerable institution (so you know it’s important stuff), the Associated Press:
dollar-toilet-paper.jpg

If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that’s what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope.

Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific’s Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as ”ultra-soft” and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a ”sanctuary for quality time.”

If you go to the Quilted Northern Web site, you can actually interact with a roll of the stuff. There, you’ll find that it has a “thickness you can see and feel,” that it’s “soft and absorbent,” that it provides a “luxurious experience” and that it’s 100 percent biodegradable — because it’s made out of paper.

I’d try the stuff, but it has little hearts and flowery quilts all over it, and I prefer a manly, cheap one-ply. And, while I too would like a “luxurious experience,” my idea of a luxurious experience does not involve poo.

What You Don’t Know About Sarah Palin Can Kill You …If She Doesn’t Get to You First

Trish

We love to pass along funny web sites and even though we don’t find the subject of Sarah Palin that damn funny, we like this site. Yes, it’s mostly selling merch. But still.

Sarah Palin Facts is a collection of little-known “facts” about the wonder woman. Some of our favorites:

  • Sarah Palin wears three quarter length sleeves to keep from getting blood on her clothes when she kills liberals.
  • The diamonds in Sarah Palin’s earrings were crushed with her very hands.
  • Sarah Palin had the original idea to drop the “e” from Flickr
  • Queen Elizabeth II curtsied when she was introduced to Sarah Palin
  • Sarah Palin’s enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List
  • Sarah Palin was not flown to Ohio in a charter jet — she ran as part of her morning workout.
  • To prep for her role as Tracy Flick in “Election,” Witherspoon spent the ‘98 seal clubbing season with Palin.

There are lots more, and you are invited to submit your own. Um…Fear of Sarah Palin is why hurricanes don’t hit Alaska?

The Maverick Flip-Flops on AIG Bailout. Looks to Bush and Says, “Whatever He Said”

Trish

What will John McCain do without the Bush administration? After all, to any question on current events, McCain casts his gaze in the direction of Bush and answers, “Whatever he said.”

The AIG bail-out is a perfect example. McCain, on the Today Show Monday:

McCain might have an actual opinion. And just as soon as Bush tells him what it is, we’ll let you know.

McCain: “…No, I do not believe that the American taxpayer should be on the hook for AIG and I’m glad that the Secretary Paulson has apparently taken the same line.”

Q: “So, if we get to the point, in the middle of the week when AIG might have to file for bankruptcy, they’re on their own.”

McCain: “Well, they’re on their own. We cannot have the taxpayers bail out AIG or anybody else, this is something that we’re going to have to work through.”

But then the Bush administration acted, which meant McCain flip-flopped, uh, changed his mind, or um, rather, clarified his position. McCain, on Good Morning America today:

“Now on the bailout itself, I didn’t want to do that. And I don’t think anybody I know wanted to do that. But there are literally millions of people whose retirement, whose investment, whose insurance were at risk here. They were going to have their lives destroyed because of the greed and excess and corruption.”

Somewhere between “They’re on their own” and, “My God, we’ve got to do something!” McCain might have an actual opinion. And just as soon as Bush tells him what it is, we’ll let you know.