Day: June 27, 2006

Is Markos Marsupialopolis Gay, as Instapundit Graciously Refrained from Implying?

Jon Ponder

From the Poor Man Institute:

Q: Is Markos Marsupialopolis gay, as Instapundit graciously refrained from implying?

A: No. This is a common misconception, fostered by Hollywood’s deliberate policy of putting out that gay cowboy movie around about the same time they were putting out all those damn Hobbit movies. Let’s clear this up once and for all: cowboys are gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Hobbits, on the other hand, just like going on extended backpacking holidays with their live-in male gardeners, during which they exchange soulful and significant glances and cry and hug and say “oh, Sam!” in a way which, if they were cowboys, would be totally gay, but, seeing as they are hobbits, just totally isn’t. Then the gardener marries the girl from scene 2 who didn’t get any lines, and then Frodo, the confirmed bachelor, goes on a permanent boating holiday with a bunch of “elves”. Dead butch behavior if you ask me.

Q: Wait a minute. Are you telling me that all cowboys are gay?

A: Until someone can show me a hobbit cowboy, that’s exactly what I’m telling you.

Q: John Wayne?

A: Totally gay. You didn’t know that? I thought everybody knew that.

Q: Gene Autry?

A: Gay.

Q: Calamity Jane?

A: A dude.

Q: Butch Cassidy?

A: Gay. Oddly enough, though, the Sundance Kid was completely straight. The Wild West was a queer old place.

Q: Huh?

A: Huh?

Q: Wha’?

A: Wha’?

Q: Dude, I’m so lost. Why are we talking about gay cowboys, again?

A: Beats me. Say, can I interest you in a subscription to The New Republic?

Quote du Jour

Buck Banks

Bolshevism is knocking at our gates, we can’t afford to let it in …. We must keep America whole and safe and unspoiled. We must keep the worker away from red literature and red ruses; we must see that his mind remains healthy.

— Al Capone (1899-1947), American gangster, contribution to “Liberty” magazine

CBP Goes Hard On Limbaugh’s Viagra

Buck Banks

Stiff security: Professional prick Rush Limbaugh was detained yesterday for more than three hours after Customs and Border Protection agency staff discovered a vial of the prescription drug Viagra in his carry-on luggage as he was passing through Palm Beach International Airport, according to a report in the Miami Herald. Limbaugh admitted in 2003 that he was addicted to prescription painkillers and received barely a slap on the wrist last April by the courts for perpetrating prescription fraud.

And now everybody know that he’s a liar who can’t get it up.

Perhaps the Oxycontin makes it hard for Rush to get his little soldier to come to attention, hence the vial of little blue pills. The problem with the vial of lead in your pencil? Had a name other than Rush’s on the bottle, which is a misdemeanor. The explanation:

A doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was ”labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes,” Roy Black, Limbaugh’s attorney, said in a statement, according to The Associated Press.

Hey, that privacy thing worked out really well.

The lie on the label reminds us of how he got multiple Oxycontin prescriptions from four different doctors — by lying. Rush Limbaugh is a victim — of instant karma. By being who he is — a reprehensible rightwing blowhard who appeals to the reptilian brain stems of his mouthbreathing listeners — Limbaugh has brought bad joss on himself. And now everybody know that he’s a liar who can’t get it up.

Is Heterosexuality a Lifestyle Choice?

Jon Ponder
Conservatives’ internalized homophobia is like bulimia of the spirit. Its victims starve their psyches by regurgitating their self-loathing.

A new study has identified a small but significant biological factor that influences the sexual identity of males. The study proves that “having one or more older brothers boosts the likelihood of a boy growing up to be gay — an effect due not to social factors, but biological events that occur in their mother’s womb…”

While the study does not provide the ultimate proof that sexual orientation is innate, it does offer definitive evidence that biological forces have a role.

This is significant because, according to a 2003 Pew poll, 42 percent of Americans believe that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice — and it is among this group that we find the conservatives’ consensus of opposition for equal treatment under the law for gay people.

What fascinates me about rightwingers’ belief that sexual orientation is a choice is that, while they project this decision making onto those of us who grew up to be gay, they are apparently blind to the converse decision-making that it implies about themselves.

If homosexuals “decide” to be gay, then the corollary must be true: Heterosexuality must be a lifestyle choice, too.

What this means is that, at some point in their lives, these conservatives seriously considered becoming gay but then decided to pass.

This decision must have been wrenching. And over time, their suppressed desires turned into self-loathing — a disgust which they came to project onto others who, they believe, did not have the fortitude to conquer their attraction for members of their own gender.

This internalized homophobia is like bulimia of the spirit. Its victims starve their psyches by regurgitating their self-loathing.

Truly straight people do not — cannot — make a choice about their sexual orientation, just as gay people don’t, and can’t, choose. People who are comfortable in their own sexual personae are not threatened by the way the sexuality of others is expressed.

Nonpartisan Study Says 80% of New Voting Equipment Is Vulnerable to Fraud

Jon Ponder

A yearlong study by the nonpartisan Brennan Center for Justice found that the vast majority of electronic vote-counting systems deployed across the United States can be manipulated by hackers:

Most of the electronic voting machines widely adopted since the disputed 2000 presidential election “pose a real danger to the integrity of national, state and local elections,” a report out Tuesday concludes.

There are more than 120 security threats to the three most commonly purchased electronic voting systems, the study… says. For what it calls the most comprehensive review of its kind, the New York City-based non-partisan think tank convened a task force of election officials, computer scientists and security experts to study e-voting vulnerabilities.

The study, which took more than a year to complete, examined optical scanners and touch-screen machines with and without paper trails. Together, the three systems account for 80 percent of the voting machines that will be used in this November’s election.