Day: December 9, 2005

Abramoff Homie Agrees to Tell All; Now Casting: Miamiana — The True Story

Trish

The plot has thickened and it’s not looking good for Jack Abramoff. His co-defendant on wire fraud and conspiracy charges, Adam Kidan, has agreed to sing like a budgie in exchange for a reduced sentence, from the 30 years he was facing down to 10.

The news seems to come as a surprise to Abramoff. South Florida Sun Sentinel:

Kidan reportedly feared for his life, which is kind of funny, considering that Boulis is the one who ended up splattered all over his car in a hail of bullets

Abramoff’s attorney, Neal Sonnett, said, “I hadn’t heard that” when asked Wednesday about Kidan’s intended plea. Sonnett said he wouldn’t comment until he received official notification. Abramoff has pleaded not guilty to the charges.

Under the plea deal, Kidan would testify against Abramoff, his longtime friend and mentor.

We’ll understand all this better in the movie version, but basically it looks like Kidan and Abramoff, who met (I’m not making this up) at a young Republicans club while they were in college in Washington, cooked up a scheme to rip off the owner of the SunCruz gambling boats. Gus Boulis, a Greek immigrant, built the casino operation from money earned in his Miami Subs sandwich franchise but was now in need of a solid, upstanding American to look like the boss. […]

Repost: Fetal Attractions Troop Ornament

Jon Ponder

Protect our troops – from the womb to the war. What if the fetus you were going to abort would grow up to be a soldier bringing democracy to a godless dictatorship?

Plastic replica of an 11-12 week old fetus, 3″ long, holding a firearm in its precious little hand, with an assortment of other military paraphernalia, encased in a translucent plastic ornament, with a patriotic yellow ribbon on top. Includes a metal ornament hanger. If only a womb were this safe, attractive and reasonably priced!

Show that you support the “culture of life” by buying and proudly displaying one of these patriotic unborn Americans.

Also available in a “Brown” model

Note to the confused:This is a real product, from a real site. The product is a satire, but it is also a real product – FOR SALE. This is a real store.

To Purchase: MissPopppy.com

(Thanks for the tip, D!)

Questions Mike Wallace Wants to Ask Bush

Jon Ponder

New York Daily News:

Mike Wallace still doesn’t pull any punches. Talking with the Boston Globe about his memoir, “Between You and Me,” the CBS eminence offered a few questions he’d like to ask President Bush. Such as: “What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? … You apparently were incurious. You didn’t want to travel. You knew very little about the military. … Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [bleeped] up?”

Christmas Wars: Happy Frickin’ Holidays!

Jon Ponder

“Jesus Christ was just a regular person. He wasn’t the son of God, he wasn’t part of some Trinity, he didn’t turn water into wine and other such magic. Those of you who think he is, and that when you die your faith will be a ticket into heaven, guess what? Ain’t gonna happen!

“Oh, does this offend you? Boo hoo hoo! Deal with it!

“Think of how I, as a more or less agnostic person of Jewish descent, feel when William Donohoe of the Catholic League says of the White House attempt to wish people of all faiths a happy holiday season, “spare me the diversity lecture,” and that wishing people happy holidays is evidence that someone has “capitulated to the worst elements in our culture.”

“Apparently, if people like me prefer that outlets trying to get my business not tell me “Happy Birthday to the One and Only Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,” because we happen to not believe in Jesus, it makes us one of the worst elements in our culture. Gee thanks, Bill …

“So, instead of saying Happy Holidays this year, I’m just going to say “Go F**k Yourself!” Screw taking part in the season’s spirit, because apparently I’m not welcome. So enjoy your CHRISTMAS TREES on my public property, and your CHRISTMAS sales at stores that used to try to reach out to me, and CHRISTMAS cards from politicians, and the rest of the season that apparently only belongs to you. Me? As a member of the “worst element” of this “overwhelmingly Christian country,” I’m going to act my part and go kick a homeless person, maybe take candy from a baby, and quite possibly walk an old person into the middle of heavy traffic and leave them there.

“Yes, indeed, Go F**k Yourself, All, and to All a Good Night!”

— Eric Schmeltzer, Huffington Post