Newsweek’s Periscope column this week considers what George W. Bush’s autobiography will be like. And who will write it. In the wake of “A Charge to Keep,” a slim tome written by Bush’s former communications chief Karen Hughes and rushed to press in time for the 2000 election, expectations are generally low.
But I disagree. There would seem to be plenty of opportunities for Bush to rise to the occasion and produce a work (or have someone produce it) that would explore his place in history and establish his legacy as U.S. president. Of course, as the Newsweek column notes, Bush neither keeps a journal like his father or records his thoughts like Bill Clinton, and he writes thank-you notes with a black Sharpie pen, so any autobio from his camp is likely to be a work of fiction.
With that in mind, here are a few speculative titles I suggest for a George W. Bush (auto)biography:
• Myth and Metaphor in The Very Hungry Caterpillar
• An Encyclopedia of Lies I Told Leading Up to the Invasion of Iraq (Vol. 1)
• Cheney Made Me Do It
• How Condi Got Her Groove Back
• Me ‘n’ Jesus — Just a Couple of Good Old Boys with an Agenda
• Pennies from Heaven — An Investment Guide for Political Capital
• The Kids are All Right, or How I Packed the Supreme Court with Wingnuts
• Dustbowl Dreams: Environmental Policies to Make the Whole World Look Like South Texas
• Serving as the Leader of the Free World and Commander and Chief of the Most Powerful Army on Earth with Your Finger on the Nucular Button for Dummies
Update: Keep those suggestions coming in. Here are a few more:
• Staying the Course: It’s Not About Principle, It’s About Lack of Ideas
• I’ve Never, Even Been Wrong: Being George Bush
• My Life, by George W. Bush and Karl Rove
• Winning the War on Terror Using the War on Logic
• How to Raise Perfect Daughters Even When Their Mother is a Manslaughterer
From Comments: Love this one:
• George W Bush: Nepotism Gone Wrong.
If you have a title to suggest for President Bush’s autobiography, send it to News Desk at Pensito Review Dot Com.