Bush’s Tranformation from Obnoxious Drunk to Obnoxious Teetotaler

Bushie’s renunciation of booze has gained such mythic status that many people (Republican true believers) conveniently overlook the fact that his renunciation of adult beverages was hardly a redemptive turn of fortune. All that happened was that Bush the obnoxious drunk became Bush the obnoxious teetotaler, proclaiming that his life was now in the hands of Jesus Christ, not Jim Beam…

Bush’s prolonged sousitude also explains his verbal miscues, his syntactical insurgencies, his grammatical catastrophes. It’s as if the bourbon marinade left deadly lacunae in his already diminutive brain, making it impossible for the most elementary thought to navigate its way through the decimated labyrinth of his frontal lobes.

Then there are the quirky smirks, the bug-eyed glares and goofy grimaces, his words and facial expressions so out of sync that you are reminded of a badly dubbed Japanese monster movie. Finally, what about all those lip gyrations when Bushie is under stress, the tiny mouth working this way and that as if it were engaged in attempting to remove the cap from a bottle? It must be the sauce.

D.P. Sorensen, Salt Lake City Weekly


4 thoughts on “Bush’s Tranformation from Obnoxious Drunk to Obnoxious Teetotaler”

  1. Bush is a lazy, incompetent criminal with an alcohol problem. But so many Americans are so stupid or so brainwashed, they think this guy is a “moral man”. The Bush family is one of the most corrupt, dysfunctional and downright evil families in American political history. Open your eyes, sheeple!!!

  2. The Simian-in-Chief thinks he’s Ronald Reagan redux. Although Bush and Reagan have approximately the same I.Q. [both in the double digits], Reagsan spent his lifetime in front of a camera and knew precisely how to “communicate” his reactionary and dangerous policies to an ignorant and dumbed-down populace.

    MonkeyMan has little talent for the cameras, and so even his base is finding out what many of us already knew: Re: Goeroge Bush’s intellect, there is no there there.!

    I am hugely relishing Bush’s slide in the polls. Helen Thomas is right: Bush is THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER!!

  3. Let’s see…A guy who learned to fly a fighter jet, graduated from a top University, got better grades than many members of congress, including Al Gore and happens to beleive in god is a lazy, evil idiot?
    Why cant you guys on the left have an honest debate about ideas for five minutes without resorting to name-calling, anti-religious biggotry, and other personal attacks? Could it be that you’re out of ideas, and that your recycled Marxist ideology that has been proven an abject failure so many times is all that you have?
    Gee, I hope I get an intelligent response outlining what you think any president should do about all of the issues of the day, but from the looks of these comments, I probably shouldn’t hold my breath. If you can’t come up with anything…feel free to call me homophobe, racist, nazi, sexist, stupid or…dare I say it…Christian! It’s okay, with all that hate, you will continue to turn people off, lose most of the next elections, and we grown ups will keep running the show for ya***insert raspberry noise here***. Ciao!

  4. George Bush is a shallow, vain aristocrat who aspired to the presidency to work out personal issues around his relationship with his father. He is a pathological liar who has surrounded himself with the likeminded sycophants.

    Bush never worked a day in his life until he became president. (The role of Texas governor is mostly ceremonial.) His life of privilege and the lack of challenges in his youth have rendered him the most woefully ill-equipped president we have ever had. Having an unqualified, incurious lout as president puts this great nation at risk.

    He is proud that he is unread and barely educated. He got into Yale via an affirmative action program known as legacy enrollment. He has boasted about his “gentleman’s C” average there.

    Ten years after he started at Yale – after his parents had gotten him off the hook for at least one cocaine arrest, after they arranged an abortion for a girl he’d gotten pregnant, and, of course, after they’d used their influence to scrub his record when he’d gone AWOL on his ANG service – Barbara and George Bush Sr. forced Jr. to go to Harvard Business School. But B School was their second choice – he couldn’t pass the L-SATs to get into law school. Looking back on Bush’s time at Harvard, one of his professors has gone on the record to say that, even though the future president was pushing 30, he was as inattentive, rude and disruptive as a high school Freshman.

    Bush’s religious beliefs are probably as sincere as everything else about him – the fake Texas accent, for example, or the silly “ranch” or the Botoxed brows. If I thought otherwise, I might have a modicum of respect for him.

    He’s a faker – think Eddie Haskell – he may have fooled you, but he hasn’t fooled me. At long last, two-thirds of the American public are have also gotten wise to Bush’s snow job, according to every recent poll.

    If Iraq’s only marketable product were olive oil instead of petroleum oil, there is not a snowball’s chance in the Saraha that we would be embroiled in Mr. Bush’s quagmire there today. Case in point: If the latest version of Administration’s stated goals in Iraq – establishing democracy and revenging the brutality of dictators – were real and true, we’d also be in Darfur now, where there is no democracy and genocide currently underway.

    (The whole “platform” for democracy in the Middle East issue is a carnard. If our government really believed installing an Arab democracy was a solution to encroaching Islamicism, it would have been much cost effective to pressure Kuwait into becoming a democracy. Americans died for their liberation, after all.)

    Whatever. Now we can’t leave Iraq. If we pull out now we’d risk repeating mis-steps the first Bush Administration did at the end of the Gulf War in 1992. After our military defeated Iraq, Bush Sr. incited the Iraqis to rise up against Saddam. They took him at his word. But as soon as the revolution started, the Iraqi patriots realized in horror that the Americans weren’t coming in. Then- Sec. of Defense Dick Cheney talked the former President Bush out of keeping his word with the Iraqis. Why? Because he rightly feared we’d get bogged down in a quagmire there. As a result, Saddam’s forces rounded up the would-be rebels and shot them in cold blood in their village squares – hundreds of them were massacred because of Bush-Cheney fecklessness.

    The current president has put the country into a similar bind. If we leave, Iraq will devolve into civil war and genocide overnight.Some of us who are reality-based predicted from the outset, back in 2003, that we’d arrive at this point sooner or later, if the Iraq misadventure were undertaken.

    Taking the country to war based solely on his whim is an act so monstrous, so treaonous, that it ought to warrant the ultimate punishment.

    It won’t, of course. He’ll be pardoned by the next president, whoever he or she may be.

    But he can’t rewrite what has done, nor what is about to be revealed. History will record that George Walker Bush is, and will likely – and hopefully – always remain, America’s Worst President Ever.

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