Day: August 28, 2007

Sen. Craig Blames His Men’s Room Trysting Guilty Plea on the Media

Jon Ponder

Sen. Larry Craig, the proudly homophobic Republican who pleaded guilty to soliciting an undercover cop in an airport men’s room the summer, apologized today — but not for his behavior in the bathroom stall in June, but rather for entering a guilty plea in August. Craig said he acted hastily because he was being “harassed” by a newspaper’s investigation into allegations he is gay:

It strains credulity that an innocent person — especially one as powerful a United States senator — would plead guilty to accusations of this sort.

For a moment, I want to put my state of mind into context on June 11. For eight months leading up to June, my family and I had been relentlessly and viciously harassed by the Idaho Statesman. If you’ve seen today’s paper, you know why. Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been.

No? Well then why such agita over the newspaper’s investigation?

Let’s review what Craig did in the bathroom stall at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport in June, according to the officer:

“Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moved his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area,” the report states.

Craig then proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times, and Karsnia noted in his report that “I could … see Craig had a gold ring on his ring finger as his hand was on my side of the stall divider.”

It strains credulity that an innocent person — especially one as powerful as a United States senator — would plead guilty to accusations of this sort. An innocent man would have hired a lawyer right away and set about to fight the charges, come what may. Craig’s first priority was managing news about his arrest, not clearing his name or declaring his innocence.

Now he’s claiming innocence, of course, and says he screwed up after the arrest because he was operating solo, without counsel from lawyers, his staff or family. It’s probably true he didn’t bring his family into it, but at some point after his arrest on June 11 and before the hearing on August 8, someone came up with the strategy that has played out before our eyes: Plead guilty as quietly as possible and then, in true Bush Republican fashion, go before the cameras and lie with all the steely-eyed fervency that can be mustered.

*

The complete text of Craig’s statement follows:

[…]

Cuba Creating Mega Death Ray Technology to Repel Impending U.S. Invasion

Buck Banks

Maybe something was lost in translation, but I think the reporter for Agence France Presse must have gotten something wrong in the story about Cuba beefing up its weapons to repel a U.S. invasion. Or maybe the original story was written by the former Bat Boy story editor from the recently defunct Weekly World News.

But it was posted on DefenseNews.com, so it must be true, right?

Weapon systems that have been upgraded in precision targeting and destructive capabilities include munitions, grenades, land mines and anti-tank rockets.

Cuba has been upgrading its military arsenal since President Fidel Castro fell ill 13 months ago, to defend itself against a possible U.S. invasion, senior officers told Trabajadores weekly on August 27.

Ah-ha! I knew it. Translated from Trabajadores weekly to Agence France Presse, then to English. Get a load of this stilted, yet oddly meaningless quote:

“In the irregular combat we would face in Cuba in case of an invasion, the engineering, infantry and artillery systems we produce and repair here are of vital importance, because they’re designed for the aggressor’s direct assault,” said Lt. Col. Pascual Machado, chief coordinator of Cuba’s Military Industrial Firm (EMI).

Huh? Sounds like somebody’s been using Babelfish again. But if true, these developments would be, well really scary:

Weapon systems that have been upgraded in precision targeting and destructive capabilities include munitions, grenades, land mines and anti-tank rockets, Trabajadores said.

As an example, the weekly said a laser-guided targeting system called VLMA has boosted the AK-M automatic rifle’s precision by 80 percent to 90 percent, regardless of the shooter’s skill level.

Wait, aren’t these the same people who are still driving 1950s-era cars? Of course, I suppose if you can keep a Chevy running for 50 years, you could probably build a laser-guided targeting system out of old sardine cans and some bailing wire. And wait, what was the accuracy of the AK-M rifle before it got the VLMA and increased 80 percent up to 90 percent, 10 percent? Or did something get mangled between Spanish, French and English?

One thing the Cubans do have for their fancy-schmancy weapons system is a cool name:

Raul Castro said special military operation Caguairan, put in place following Fidel Castro’s illness, would finish at the end of 2008 — U.S. presidential elections take place in November of next year.

Caguairan is either a province in Cuba that contains Guantanamo, the name of a local tree or, translated with a little latitude, means “mega death ray” in Spanish. I guess we’ll find out around election time next year, because everybody knows the best time to invade a Third World dictatorship is just after the presidential elections when the minds of most Americans are occupied by Florida’s latest vote scandal, and, after all, George W. Bush will still be president ….

Ted Nugent Befouled Himself to Avoid Vietnam Draft

Jon Ponder

Richard Roeper:

Nugent stopped all forms of personal hygiene for a month and showed up for his draft board physical in pants caked with his own urine and feces, winning a deferment.

So Ted Nugent roams a concert stage while toting automatic weapons, calls Barack Obama “a piece of —–” and says he told Obama to suck on one of his machine-guns. He also calls Hillary Clinton a “worthless bitch” and Dianne Feinstein a “worthless whore.”

That Nugent, he’s a man’s man. He talks the talk and walks the walk, right?

Except when it was time to register for the draft during the Vietnam era. By his own admission, Nugent stopped all forms of personal hygiene for a month and showed up for his draft board physical in pants caked with his own urine and feces, winning a deferment. Creative!

Ah, but that was a long time ago. Nugent isn’t just a washed-up rocker — he’s a right-wing madman who’s not afraid to call out some of the leading Democrats in language so vile it makes the Dixie Chick Natalie Maines’ comments about President Bush sound like a love poem.

You’d think even someone such as Sean Hannity would dismiss Nugent as a macho clown, desperate for attention.

Yeah, right.

In a discussion on his show last week, Hannity refused to condemn Nugent’s remarks, saying, “I like Ted Nugent . . . he’s a friend of mine,” and even laughing loudly as Alan Colmes read the transcript of some of Nugent’s remarks.

Funny. I don’t remember Hannity being so cavalier about the Dixie Chicks went they criticized Bush.

Not that he’s operating under a double standard or anything.