Day: January 12, 2006

‘Dishonest’ – Oh Look, There’s a Picture of Florida Republicans in the Dictionary

Trish

Worried Florida Republicans are behind a proposed state constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, according to the St. Petersburg Times. Of the $193,000 raised by Florida4marriage.org, $150,000 was given in a lump sum on Nov. 25 by the Florida GOP.

“It certainly was helpful,” Florida4Marriage chairman John Stemberger said of the donation, which he said was unsolicited. “I’m not at liberty to discuss the details, but they came to us and gave us the money.”

The big contribution was something of a surprise because the effective head of the state party, Gov. Jeb Bush, has been decidedly tepid about the proposed constitutional amendment. He has characterized it as well-meaning (sic) but unnecessary because state law already bars same-sex marriage.

That’s right. It’s already illegal to marry just anybody in Florida. The point of this sham movement is to get out the frenzied GOoPer vote. Cynical leaders are betting their high moral principals will ensure these wingers vote to force gays to continue living in sin. And while they’re there, they will vote to keep corrupt Republican lawmakers in office.

Still, it’s turning out to be a little harder sell than anticipated. Their side needs 600,000 signatures by Feb. 1 to get the phony amendment on the primary ballot. So far, they only have 250,000 but

volunteers are working feverishly at 10 makeshift processing centers at churches and offices in Central Florida.

“It is clear we are not where we want to be,” [Florida4Marriage chairman John Stemberger] said, “but we are seeing tens of thousands (of signatures) a day and if the pace continues we could easily do this.”

VP Medical Shocker: Cheney Secretly Underwent Cardiectomy

Jon Ponder

Useless organ removed: An unidentified source at the George Washington University Hospital has provided evidence that Vice Pres. Dick Cheney secretly underwent a radical cardiectomy Monday night. The source said the surgery began about 3:20 AM and took about 50 minutes to perform.

“It was determined that the patient had no more use for the organ — had not used it in a long, long time,” said the source, who witnessed the removal of the vice president’s heart. “Plus, he needed to lose a little weight,” the source added.

A senior Bush administration spoke on the condition of anonymity due to “fear for the lives of my children.”

The hospital staff member – who refused to be identified due to fear of “being disappeared to a black site prison” — also took a photo of the heart (shown above) which was described as “resembling a lump of coal.”

A spokesman for the hospital, Dr. Raji Guphta, refused to comment on any medical attention given the vice president except to confirm what had been reported earlier – that Cheney experienced shortness of breath and was given an EKG at about 3:00 AM.

However, when asked if a human being can live without a heart, Dr. Guphta replied, “No.”

A senior administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity due to “fear for the lives of my children,” would neither confirm nor deny that Cheney had his heart removed.