Despite his troubles, it don’t look like Trump is quittin’,
And he’ll probably manage to evade a fate that’s fittin’.
For this universe is flawed,
Because if there’d been a God,
When Trump raised that Bible at St. John’s, he woulda been smitten.
I’m the first guy to get a whole circle, it’s terrific. They evicted the Kennedys to put it in. Nobody, and I mean nobody else got this much abyss. Moody Judy Iscariot lives in a studio apartment in Satan’s mouth. Sad! Welcome to Mar-a-Lava.
Look at my pit. I have the deepest pit with the sharpest knives. These other guys, they have shallow fork holes, it’s pathetic. You should have seen how many demons came to my desecration. Packed like sardines. The noise was incredible. Biggest horde ever. They all wanted a piece of me. Good thing the pieces grew back. Very powerful agony!
It’ll take us ten minutes to get across the snake field. Huge hassle, but every time I ask for a golf cart a maggot-eyed horror pokes me with a solid gold pitchfork. Watch. Can we get a golf cart? [A moist crunching followed by an agonized shriek]. They have to send [several seconds of gasping] their biggest and strongest demon because gold is so soft and the pitchfork is so heavy.
Trump’s four years were no walk in the rose garden,
And as he slinks into history, few are feeling maudlin.
No, it’s a day for the odds-makers,
Who are finding plenty of takers
To bet on which and how many criminals he’ll pardon.
