They drove our economy into a ditch. And we got in there, and we put on our boots, and we pushed, and we shoved, we were sweating and these guys were standing, watching us, and sipping on a Slurpee, and they were pointing at us, saying “How come you’re not pushing harder? How come you’re not pushing faster?” And then when we finally got the car up – and it’s got a few dings and a few dents, it’s got some mud on it, we’re going to have to do some work on it – they point to everybody and say, “Look what these guys did to your car!” After we got it out of the ditch. And then they got the nerve to ask for the keys back. I don’t want to give ’em the keys back. They don’t know how to drive.

Pres. Barack Obama, purportedly going “off script” in a Labor Day speech, and sparking a hashtag frenzy on Twitter to place “Slurpees” in the trending topics list.