Exclusive: Pensito Review Obtains Partial al Qaeda Conference Call Transcript

Pensito Review has acquired a partial transcript of the recent conference call between 20 al Qaeda leaders that was intercepted by U.S. national security personnel and led to the temporary closing of 22 U.S. embassies. The call was first reported Wednesday by the Daily Beast. Here is the partial transcript that we have obtained from an anonymous source close to the investigation:


Hello, welcome to the AT&T Conference Center. You have accessed the al Qaeda network sponsored by as-Sahab.

Your host, Ayman al-Zawahiri, has not yet arrived. Please hold, your terrorist masterminds conference will begin shortly.

To make your conference call experience as productive as possible, please listen closely to the following menu.

If you are a leader of al Qaeda on the Arabian Peninsula, press one.

If you are a leader of al Qaeda in Yemen, press two.

If you are a leader of al Shabab, press three.

If you are a leader of another al Qaeda franchise, splinter group or renegade terrorist cell, press four.

If you are a mullah from an unincorporated tribal area who would like to become an al Qaeda franchisee, press five.

If you are a disaffected American or British subject seeking to join al Qaeda or one of its subsidiaries or affiliates, press six.

Please note that for the convenience of other conference participants, all callers except the host will have their lines muted to reduce the sounds of ongoing firefights, Arab Spring uprisings or U.S. drone attacks that could disrupt the call.

This conference call is moderated. If you would like to join the conversation and denounce the Western infidels, press the pound key and an operator will place your insane Islamist diatribe into the conference queue.

Please hold. Your conference will begin shortly.

Thank you for using AT&T.

(disconnect, dial tone)