After recently learning that an estimated 30,000 to 40,000 weblogs are being created every day, I figured that some of those people probably know even less than I do about how to create an effective political blog. And let’s face it, what other kind of weblog matters?
Sure, there are other kinds — baby blogs, sports blogs, swingers’ blogs — but if you eliminate those from the mix, you’ve probably got only 10,000 to 20,000 new political blogs coming on line daily.
I still figure I know more about the topic than some of those wannabe bloggers. Therefore, in the interest of fostering intelligent political discourse for the good of the country, I offer the following guide for how to create your own political blog.
If you follow these simple steps, I cannot guarantee that you will create a blog that is as pertinent, insightful and well-read as Pensito Review.
But so what if only your mom and her new boyfriend from the bowling alley read your weblog, you’re trying and doing your best, and that’s what matters.
Step 1. Stake your place on the political spectrum and stick to it.
If you’re a liberal-hating, queer-baiting, fornicating Repug wingnut, then say so, and don’t go flippy-floppy when someone turns up the rhetorical heat and exposes your biases and prejudices for what they are — the result of ignorance, malevolence and an utter lack of humanity.
Step 2. Come up with a name for your blog that says something about you and your views.
This is a very important step because it is by your blogger “handle” that you shall be known. Choose something descriptive yet clever, such as Right-Wing Asshat, Jerk for Jesus or NeoNaziNews.
Step 3. Set your journalistic standards.
Decide early on if you are going to take your cues from those paragons of journalistic integrity among our great newspapers, such as … oh well, let your conscience be your guide. Or, if you want to take your cue from the Bush administration, then you can lie, obfuscate, spin, twist, create and ignore the truth to your heart’s content.
Step 4. Set forth your positions on the issues with a bit of wit, to maintain reader interest.
For example, you could encapsulate your argument simply by writing: Liberals suck! That may express your opinion perfectly, but it doesn’t give the reader much incentive to read on. Try injecting a little wit into your expression: Liberals suck — and they blow, too! See? That’s much better. You’ve used the rhetorical device of balancing two opposites (suck, blow) to create cognitive dissonance in your reader’s mind, which is what all blog readers want.
Step 5. Accentuate the positive; don’t tolerate the negative.
Finally, only allow the posting of comments that concur with your views (Example: I think liberals blow more than they suck.), and delete the other ones (Example: These are clearly the views of an immature, babbling, subhuman cretin.) Hey, it’s your blog. If someone wants to disagree with you, tell her to get her own weblog.
Now, blog on, brother!