How to Worship Trump: Rick Wilson’s Rules for the GOP Cult

Rick Wilson

All cults have rules, and the Republicans’ Trump cult is no exception. Renegade Republican Rick Wilson has come up with a set of rules intended to provide guidance for members of the cult and those who aspire to bask in Supreme Leader’s radiance.

Fortunately for members, the rules for cults of personality are all pretty much the same — whether Dear Leader is Hitler, Stalin, Saddam Hussein, Jim Jones or Donald J. Trump.

      1. The assertion by Lindsay Graham that today’s bizarre performance by Sniffles The Clown was on par with “Tear Down This Wall” is part of the Saddamification of the GOP.
      2. Never be the first guy to stop clapping when Trump speaks.

      – It is always the Year Zero; memory and consistency is the enemy of loyalty in the Trump world.

      – Your superlatives are insufficient. Praising Trump properly demands a new vocabulary of obsequiousness.

      3. Your humiliation in his service will asymptotically approach infinity, with the pain and shame mounting but never reaching the sweet release of death.

      – Never tell him the truth. He is the tallest, most handsome, brilliant, and richest man in the room.

      4. Even when he’s wrong (and he’s almost always wrong), race for the TV cameras to proclaim that you and everyone else was simply unable to grasp the sublime complexity of his 47-dimensional chess game.
      5. If he wants to mount your spouse, let him. You let him screw your reputation, honor, dignity, principles, and political priors. Why not your wife?

      – Always give the Trump Crime Family a cut of your consulting contracts for the campaign and the RNC.

      6. Never forget that if you don’t suck the chrome off the metaphorical trailer hitch, someone else in Washington will. It is a city without elected heroes.

      – He will let you die in prison. Prepare accordingly.

      7.Snitch of get snitched on. Trust no one. Lie constantly. Don’t sleep in the same place more than two nights. Moscow rules.
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