Oh my dears. If you want to have some laughs, head to Twitter now and search for “second civil war” and #secondcivilwarletters. You’re welcome.
It all started with this Tweet from Alex Jones, conspiracy theorist extraordinaire, whose Info Wars video channel and website publishes all manner of rumor and speculation under the guise of facts.
BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th https://t.co/38AWiUFaag
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) July 1, 2018
The Twitterverse exploded, as Trump resisters professed they were not informed of the war in a timely manner and fretted over what to wear, when the money from George Soros would arrive, who had the sign-up list for the potluck, and whether, like Karen,* to put raisins in the potato salad.
That was the first day. Today, with the hashtag #secondcivilwarletters, it’s getting poignant. Here’s an example, from No Trumper Republican strategist Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson):
Colonel: During the 3rd Battle of Charlottesville we captured enemy caches of citronella oil, Tiki torches, and Japanese pornography. Also, Trumpistani leader Richard Spencer was captured as he attempted to escape into a local Walmart dressed as a woman.
Or Zackary Haines (@Attack_Zak17)
Dearest mother, We have taken control of the Chick-fil-a but I fear those Trumpsters have taken one of our Starbucks. We march at dawn for ice lattes and freedom.
And Matt Green (@matthewcgreen)
Dearest Ruth, Arrived deep in the woods of Bowling Green. I fear we may be surrounded. The enemy remains out of sight, but the aroma of Hot Pockets and hand lotion permeates the air. This may be the end. PS dont check my browsing history.
And finally, Solomon (@GoodKingSolomon)
They have so many Guns. We’ve had to abandon the war on Christmas and the war on traditional family values in order to buy arms for the Troops. These are desperate times. Tomorrow I will lead a Small squad of socialists to raid a Wal-Mart. God help us
There are so many more good ones. Avail yourselves of the hashtags now.
And as you fight onward, try not to spill the pinot noir!
* In case you don’t get the reference to raisins in the potato salad:
