Think It’s Bad in Your State? Visit Florida.

Pretending you're a pirate (or a wench) is a trend that's really not working for Florida baby boomers

When you live in Florida, sometimes there’s just too much wacky to take in at one sitting. You have to just skim the surface because trying to go deeper would probably sink you.

Such is the case today, when a reading of the morning news brings so many little harbingers of doom. Read on for three examples.

  • Look out innocent sea life! You’re what we call, “collateral damage.”

    Boaters straying into restricted areas at Port Canaveral can soon expect to get a warning blast from the U.S. Coast Guard. The port is a test site for a new warning system to keep vessels out of security zones.

    Officials would first try to radio an encroaching boat and give other signals to stop. If that doesn’t work, 12-gauge shotgun ammunition can be fired into the path of a boat. The plastic and aluminum projectile ignites after about 100 yards to create a burst of light and a loud sound.

But wait, there’s more.

  • How about the nanny state, writ large, courtesy of un-ironic Republicans?

    State Sen. Gary Siplin filed a resolution this week that would recognize “Merry Christmas” as the state of Florida’s official greeting for Dec. 25.

    In the resolution, the Orlando Democrat writes that Christmas is a holiday of “great significance to most Americans” and that “many Christians and non-Christians” recognize the holiday…

  • Finally, it’s tempting to do a whole post on this one but we’ll toss it in here. Florida’s new governor, Mr. Rick Running Government Like a Corrupt Fraudulent Health Care Business Scott, is setting records in the amount he plans to spend on his inauguration party.

    So far, lobbyists, cronies, and lackies looking for favors have supplied $2.5 million for the shindig, which, in token recognition of the frugality actual Floridians are experiencing, will feature cheeseburgers (in paradise?) and Cuban sandwiches on the buffet. Libertarian Neal Boortz will emcee the ball, which will include the singing of the national anthem by a 7-year-old girl and musical selections from the Florida State University orchestra.

    But first, Scott, who is so far behind in selecting department heads that he recently asked Gov. Charlie Crist’s team to stay on for an extra three months, hits the road today.

    Governor-elect Rick Scott plans to visit seven Florida cities on an inaugural appreciation tour…

    Scott will be joined by Lt. Governor-elect Jennifer Carroll and the three incoming Cabinet members. They are Attorney General-elect Pam Bondi, Chief Financial Officer-elect Jeff Atwater and Agriculture Commissioner-elect Adam Putnam…

    The tour begins Monday in Naples, Scott’s hometown. Also Monday they’ll be in Lake Buena Vista, where they’ll visit with inner-city children at the Walt Disney Resort…

    There is so much wrong with the phrase, “inner-city children at the Walt Disney Resort” that the mind reels.

If the rest of the country weren’t up to its armpits in snow, I might seriously consider leaving my adopted state and coming back only after Republicans are out of office.


3 thoughts on “Think It’s Bad in Your State? Visit Florida.”

  1. Well, at the risk of being a noodge, I’ll point out that it’s 64 degrees with clear skies out here! (I know – Brrr.) If that doesn’t get you packing your bags, there’s this: At Gov. Brown’s first inauguration, he and some friends ducked into a restaurant in Sacramento for some Chinese food. Seriously. That was it. This year his team has a budget of about $100,000 for inaugural festivities, all of it from donations of no more than $5,000.

  2. Little Trish, you can always come be my roomie here in the Old North State, but it is the state of Virginia Foxx and Richard Burr. You know Burr/Foxx. That probably sounds pretty scary even to a Florida girl like you.

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