Los Angeles Times columnist Steve Lopez – or “S.Lo” as he’s sometimes known – has put together a quiz on today’s mayoral election run-off in L.A. Here is an excerpt:
In national, state and local elections, it’s good to throw the bums out now and then because:
A: Fresh ideas are always welcome.
B: We have to let politicians know who’s in charge.
C: It’s time for a new set of crooks.
When it comes to municipal corruption, Los Angeles:
A: Is clean as a whistle.
B: Is in the minor leagues.
C: Could kick Chicago’s butt halfway to New York.
In Los Angeles, you’ve really struck it rich if you:
A: Have a screenplay aimed at the right demographic.
B: Invested in real estate 10 years ago.
C: Know somebody on the airport commission.
An L.A. mayor’s primary function is to:
A: Instill trust and leadership.
B: Keep hope alive.
C: Ignore the San Fernando Valley.
D: Always keep a safe distance from his bag men.
Mayor James Hahn’s nickname is:
A: Crazy Legs.
B: Mr. Saturday Night.
C: Slim Jim.
Hahn often does the town in the company of:
A: J. Lo.
B: S. Lo.
C: [City Controller] Laura Chick.
D: His sister, Janice.
The name Villaraigosa is pronounced:
D: Don’t know.
After giving Hahn a well-deserved beating for what he saw as pay-to-play politics, Villaraigosa pocketed donations from Floridians whose boss used to have an LAX concession contract. Asked to explain why Floridians would send him money, Villaraigosa said (just before he returned the loot):
A: They liked his smile.
B: Hard to tell one palm tree from another.
C: No hablo ingles.
D: Florida believes the Hahn administration is adrift.
Hahn is behind in the polls, but he can still win if:
A: The City Hall corruption probe doesn’t produce any indictments between now and Tuesday.
B: He gets caught in the back seat of a car with a stripper.
C: He has persuaded enough voters he’s a trustworthy conservative and that Villaraigosa’s deputy mayors will include gangbangers and child killers.
D: All of the above.
Villaraigosa will breeze to victory if:
A: White voters embrace a new day.
B: Latino voters forget that he ignored them.
C: The outcome isn’t based on big ideas.
D: All of the above.
Best reason to vote in the mayoral election:
A: Takes less time than ordering a latte.
B: You can be the only one on your block.
C: No threat of insurgent attacks.
D: If we double the 26% turnout in the March mayoral race, we’ll be closing in on the voter turnout in Iraq.
If you picked the last answer to each question, you scored perfectly and are qualified to become a Los Angeles voter.